5 Steps for Moving on After a Divorce and Rebuilding Your Life!

17 min readFeb 7, 2022

5 Steps for Moving on After a Divorce-www.theeasywisdom.com

Have you recently walked away from a long-term relationship and ended up filing a divorce in court? And now you are clueless about how to rebuild your life after a divorce? Do not worry; you are not alone! Marriage and divorce are typical experiences, and it is okay to have one. A Divorce may seem like the end of the world, but it can be liberating too. While separation and divorce are painful, sometimes it is better to let it go than cling to it. Yes, you tried your best to save your marriage, but it was beyond repair. So it is time to rebuild your life by moving on after a divorce and reclaim your happiness.

If you are still confused about your divorce, it is time to know when to go of a relationship and move on.

Divorce is harsh, painful and can drain you emotionally. It can take a toll on your personality and health, regardless of how liberating it is. While it is tough to acknowledge a relationship that is no longer working, it is harder to walk away. So how to free yourself from guilt, shame, rejection and dejection that comes with the divorce? The only solution is to accept it gracefully and work on rebuilding your life after divorce. Some people end up landing in a rebound relationship, and some people bury themselves in their cocoons. Regardless of your choice, it is more important to work upon yourself and rebuild your life after the divorce by investing in a rebuilding phase- a phase of contemplation, emotional recovery, healing and rediscovery. There are 5 steps for moving on after a divorce in this rebuilding phase that you should follow to emerge out as a victor.

Do rebound relationships help you move on?

As per research, a rebound relationship can help you move on after a divorce, heal your broken heart and kill your loneliness for some time. But rebound relationships are not permanent and fail in the long run. The reason people enter a rebound is not true love but their need to bond again and forget the previous pain. And to overcome their loneliness and suffering, people easily fall in for a rebound relationship. So, it all starts with finding a shoulder to cry on, leading to attachment and a rebound is born.

Therefore, it is quite tempting to jump on to a rebound relationship after exiting your long-term marriage and comfort yourself. But in your present relationship, you look for elements missing in your last emotional entanglement. For example, you married someone logical but not much affectionate. So you decided to rebound with someone exactly the opposite and who fills up your deep emotional voids.

Why do rebound relationships fail?

So why do rebound relationships fail more often than not? In a rebound, you feel that you are healing. But it is not the truth. In reality, a rebound may just be a passing phase that you confuse with emotional healing. The real reasons for your rebound may be stemming from feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Or it may be originating from your need to bond again, to keep busy, and to avoid being lonely. It is also highly likely that you are in a rebound simply to show it off to your ex. As time passes by, you start healing organically. You start to realise what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how you could have been more diligent in handling your past relationships and marriage. As things start to unravel, your rebound starts to fail. And here you are with another failed relationship in your kitty. Therefore, a rebuilding phase comes in handy and is an answer to all your problems. It not only helps you rebuild yourself after a divorce but also helps you avoid falling into the trap of finding quick fixes and failing again. So if you are thinking of moving on after a divorce, it is better to invest in a rebuilding phase than a rebound.

Why it is important to invest in a rebuilding phase when moving on from a divorce?

There is often a lot of pain, suffering, and turmoil when you end your marriage or a long-term relationship. It may involve making up-side-down changes to your life, like changing cities, careers, and friends. Therefore, you should give some time to understand yourself, your past, your mistakes and resolve your inner conflicts before making the next major move of your life. In short, you should invest in a rebuilding phase before moving ahead in your life after your divorce or a failed marriage to minimize your chances of failing again and to lead a more successful, fulfilling, and meaningful life. It means you should be working on yourself after the divorce and should rediscover, reinvent, refine & re-engineer yourself as you prepare to launch a stronger, improvised, and self-actualized version of your personality. It is time for moving on after a divorce and with confidence.

5 steps for moving on after a divorce

Moving on is not easy. It takes a lot to rebuild your life and move on, especially after a divorce. But the good news is that there is a better and more fool-proof way of moving on after a divorce and moving forward in your life- a way that is more stable, rewarding, and potent.

So, let us learn five steps to rebuild yourself after a divorce!

How To Get Over A Breakup or Divorce-5 Steps to Move On And Rebuild Your Life Infographics-The Easy Wisdom

1. Acknowledge

First, you need to acknowledge and recognize that you need a break from life for rebuilding yourself. It means that there is no need to rush into a rebound relationship or confine yourself in the cocoon. Rather, it means accepting your failed marriage and divorce and focussing on yourself. It is the time for you to lick your wounds and heal, contemplate, and take as much time as you want to recreate yourself.

Important points to be noted in this stage are:

Do not rush and let the rebuilding phases last as long as it needs to.
Find a safe place like a city that is familiar or a location that is close to loved ones as you retreat to a rebuilding phase.
Commit to yourself and rely on yourself. This is not a time to enter into another relationship or rebound. The purpose is to focus on you.
Hold on to your career, your family, and your loved ones. They will be your support in times of distress.

2. Contemplate

It is a phase when you should reflect on your life and past relationships with your ex, friends, family, and co-workers. Every relationship which failed or succeeded will have a reason behind it. Try to look through the reasons for the same, figure out why they failed or succeeded, and determine if there is a common pattern emerging out of them. You will be surprised to discover many important aspects of your personality unfolding. Once you determine the reasons, try to figure out how to break such a pattern. Also, utilize this time to understand your emotions, blind spots and contemplate your mistakes.

Important points to be noted in this stage are:

Reflect on your past relationships and understand the bone of contention (if any). Identify the causes of failed relationships like infidelity, expectations mismatch, circumstances, events, ego, personality clashes, power games, emotional or physical abuse, etc. Determine factors that are common or predominant in your failed relationships. For example, the need for control was one such thing common in all your past relationships. And if some common theme emerges, you have your answer, and you need to tackle this first.
Develop a daily habit of reflecting on your life and spend some quality me-time with yourself first. Use this time to challenge yourself, question your self-limiting beliefs, and reaffirm your core values and beliefs. The idea is to stay true to yourself.

3. Recuperate

Now that you have analysed your life, the mistakes, and the common patterns, it is time to accept your mistakes, life choices, decisions, behaviour, and circumstances. Take this as an opportunity to improve yourself, remove your blind spots, work upon your shortcomings, and come to terms with yourself. This stage of recuperations also involves understanding your deep-rooted emotions, insecurities, and undesirable behaviours. As you unfold such aspects of your life, you are also working on your path to recovery as you learn from your old mistakes. Make the best use of this stage to heal yourself emotionally.

Important points to be noted in this stage are:

Identify your trusted support network like your friends, family, or mentor to help you navigate through your past life, events, and emotions as they help you remove your blind spots.
Make time for family and indulge in self-care and self-love practices after a breakup.
Talk about your mistakes and weaknesses with your friends and family. Let them give their opinion. When you speak of your insecurities, mistakes, or troubled life with them, you also become clear, confident, and sorted in the process.
If you were wrong in your past relationships, reach out to those people you wronged. Seek their forgiveness regardless of their acknowledgement. It is time to let the guilt go.
If you were wronged by people, forgive them. Forgive them not for them but for your happiness. It is time to let go of the resentment and drop the grudge.
You can take recourse to spirituality, meditation, gratitude, and yoga. These are strong anchors and will help your wounds heal faster. You can also take journaling to help you make your recuperation journey easier.
Take up your hobbies or passions and master your skill. The idea is to focus on things you want and make you happy.
Overcome bitterness and embrace sweetness.

It is time to evolve as a human being and become a good person with no resentment or guilt.

4. Prepare

Now that you have started rebuilding yourself, it is time to prepare yourself for the coming future in terms of a new relationship, second marriage, or even companionship. At the end of the rebuilding phase, you should be able to find your deal breakers in a relationship based on your value system. Use these filters to find your long term prospects (second marriage, new partner or a companion).

It is also important to understand that life calls for making some compromises and sacrifices for the greater good of your relationship. To hold on to someone you love and someone who loves you is a matter of great pride and success. If you can sustain your relationship, you will be regarded as someone caring, mature, and adaptable. And the one who doesn’t adapt phases out and ends up being replaced. The future belongs to those who are agile, bendable, and empathetic.

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If you are considering a second marriage or a relationship, you should primarily base your decision on things that are important to you and are deal-breakers. All the other parameters are secondary and can be managed with open communication, patience, and simple life wisdom

5. Launch

At the end of the rebuilding phase, you will come out to be a sorted, confident, and mature individual. You have successfully navigated through your past life and emotions and have rebuilt yourself from scratch.

As you set yourself on a path to self-actualization, you become more accepting, giving, and a beautiful human being in the process. It is time to launch yourself with your best version. Just have trust & faith in yourself, launch yourself with all the positivity and enjoy the beautiful life which is more meaningful, fulfilling, and happier.

Congratulations! You are liberated from the shackles of your life and the shadows of your past. It is a good enough reason to take up things you always wanted to pursue. While some of you may want to write your story and publish a book, others may want to go ahead in life and remarry, focus on their career, or go for higher studies. Some of you may also patch up with your spouse and get together again. Regardless of whatever decision you make, it should be transformational. It should make your life more meaningful, fulfilling, and better. So, whatever you decide to do, you will approach your life with more conviction. Chances of your failure will be less, and you will be sorted internally. It is the right time to channelize your energy in the right direction.

Although divorce or a failed relationship leaves deep scars, they are part and parcel of our emotional evolution. Therefore, do not let your past stop you from following your pursuits as you launch yourself with more conviction and come up stronger, with a bang. As time unfolds, the unconnected dots will connect, and you will be able to rebuild yourself after your divorce.

We hope these five steps for moving on after a divorce will make you stronger, help you navigate through the recovery period positively and help you come up strong, determined, sorted, and prepared for an everlasting, fulfilling, and successful long-term relationship.

Moving on after a divorce as a man?

When it comes to men, handling divorce can be as stressful as for women. Men who go through a divorce, often lose their sense of identity and are stigmatized by society. Moving on after a divorce as a man is a painful process. Men undergoing a divorce, pretend to be calm and confident, but they have their share of inner conflicts, guilt, and regret too. Yes, divorce hurts men also! Men do not cry and seek sympathy, but deep down, they are also hurting due to divorce or a failed marriage. In fact, the challenges of a man trying to move on with a divorce are double as they can’t weep in public and seek sympathy from people around. They deal with it alone and in silence. Their journey is long and painful, but here are a few tips that can make their journey of moving on after divorce easy:

Share your inner feelings with your close friends or siblings, or family. It is okay to feel weak in front of them. Yes, men do cry! And there is nothing wrong with that. Some cliches exist in our society that does not let men fully express themselves. You should tide past beyond them and be expressive.
Do not get addicted to alcohol or substance abuse as it may prolong your recovery process. To move on from a divorce it is common for men to indulge in binge drinking, work late nights or have casual encounters with women. But these are just instant gratification and quick fixes. It may mask your pain but not heal it. So it is better to invest in the rebuilding phase mentioned above in the article. It is better to embrace loneliness and get to know your real self.
If you have children, do not let your divorce affect them. It is quite possible to throw your hatred on your ex-wife or blame her in front of your children. But it will do more harm than good. Instead, shower all your love to your kids, spend quality time with them, and be a nice father.

Do not enter into a rebound or start a new relationship until and unless you are officially free. It is quite tempting to enter a relationship and feel that you are healing. But it can further worsen your relationship with your spouse. It is better to have a meaningful relationship post your divorce.

Moving on after divorce as a woman?

Moving on after divorce as a woman can be a very painful and traumatic journey as it rips her off her identity, self-worth, confidence and financial security in many cases. It can be a life-changing and transformational decision for a woman. And moving on after a divorce as a woman is not easy. Society has stigmatized divorce. And for women, it is still considered taboo in many cultures. Women struggle to heal as a divorce may cut deep wounds. Some women develop trust issues, undergo depression and find themselves alone. A woman who is hurting after a divorce may feel wronged and hurt. She can easily become resentful and hold onto a grudge. Her journey is long and painful, but here are a few tips that can make her journey of moving on after divorce easy:

Take your time to grieve, and accept your divorce. There is no shame in divorce, and it is better to move than be in a bad marriage. A falling marriage is a nightmare, but it can be liberating too!
Share your concerns, thought processes and challenges with your loved ones. Speak to your close friends and family members. Sharing will offload much of your pressure and normalize your pent up feelings.
Do not feel sorry for yourself. Marriage and divorce should never define who you are and what you will do. It is better to stay strong, focus on your financial, mental and spiritual health.
Aim to become financially independent and work upon building a life on your own. Financial dependence decreases the self-worth of women, and the opposite is also true. And financial independence is one of the most important things that will help women move on after a divorce.
Make new friends and practice self-love and self-care. Put yourself first but do not haste yourself into another relationship or a rebound.
If you have children, do not let your divorce affect them. It is quite possible to throw your hatred on your ex-husband or blame him in front of your children. But it will do more harm than good. Instead, shower all your love to your kids, spend quality time with them, and be a nice and inspiring mother.
Do not enter into a rebound or start a new relationship until and unless you are officially free. It is quite tempting to enter a relationship and feel that you are healing. But it can further worsen your relationship with your spouse. You will have a lot of time for that post your official divorce.
You should avoid binge drinking, overthinking, and casual dating as they are just quick fixes and not a long term solution. Instead, you should spend some time alone, accept your divorce and get to know your real self.
Invest in a rebuilding phase as mentioned above in the article and relaunch yourself.

How long does it take for moving on after a divorce?

Getting over a divorce and recovering from it can take months to years and depends upon the reasons for the divorce and varies from person to person. However, it may take approximately two years to completely overcome the setback caused by divorce, heal fully and feel normal again.

Who moves on faster after a divorce?

Some people say men may take more time to overcome divorce as compared to women, while others feel that vice versa is more true. As per a study, 75% of women move on after a divorce, faster than men. However, the time taken to overcome a divorce is very subjective and varies from person to person regardless of gender.

Who suffers most in a divorce?

Divorce is harsh both on men and women alike. The challenges are real for both genders equally. But it is the children who suffer the most. While men are more prone to undergo depression, women are more prone to feel betrayed, resentful and anxious. Men are less communicative and often retreat to their shells. They may resort to binge drinking, overworking or casual dating and become more lonely. Women, on the other hand, may feel deprived of their dignity, feel extreme anger and may hold a grudge. These feelings can become toxic for them, and as a result, they may find it difficult to move on. Having said that, children suffer the most. Divorce may be liberating for both men and women after the brooding period is over. But children never overcome the divorce, and they bear the brunt of divorce the most.

How to get over a divorce when you are still in love?

Moving on after a divorce when you are still in love can be excruciatingly painful and challenging. But if your partner has taken a stand to not be with you anymore, it is highly unlikely that anything can make them change their stand. So, it is better to acknowledge and accept your divorce. The sooner you accept, the easier it will be for you to come out of it. Humans are adaptable beings, and acceptance comes only with time. So give yourself some time to heal and recuperate. Also, to get over your partner, invest in a rebuilding phase. One thing is sure that you can rebuild yourself and recreate your life. It will not be the same as your previous marriage, but it can better and more rewarding. Focus on moving forward in your life rather than living in the false hope of reuniting with your ex. If your partner wanted to come back, they already would have. Sending them occasional emotional texts, checking on them and their well-being, guilt trapping them and then getting no response will only make you worse. And what can be more upsetting than listening to a no again? So, let them go and you focus on your life! It will hurt but will get better with time. And eventually one fine day you will feel liberated. Congratulations, you have made it.

How to move on and rebuild a life after divorce at 40?

Rebuilding life after divorce for people at 40 can look very different from their younger counterparts. Men and women who undergo divorce at 40 are generally well established in their careers and enjoy enough financial freedom. They have a set job, set routing, place to live and comfortable life to live. But divorcing at this age can disrupt their entire life. Losing your partner to divorce is not easy as you have lived 10–15 years of life with your spouse. Living with each other for so long can become a habit, and divorce can create a void. Apart from this, people at this age generally have children, so divorce at 40 or 50 can really be challenging, both for children and parents. Men and women can find it very difficult to adjust to new patterns at this age. For example, your spouse understands your preferences and lifestyle, that only nurtured with time. Also, you will have to learn to sleep alone, live your life without your children or parent them alone. This can be a long, painful and depressing process and can lead to extreme loneliness. So if you are 40 and want to overcome divorce then these tips can make your journey easy:

Prioritise your life over anything else and make your children part of your priority. Make sure to be available to them, address all their concerns, spend quality time with them and be a good parent.
Learn new patterns of life like making your own breakfast, arranging your wardrobe, sleeping alone, and adjusting to a newly single parent setup.
Make time for everything like children, work, household chores, family, and even your own personal interests. It will keep you busy and help you overcome your divorce easily.
Divorce at middle age can also be liberating, and it gives you an immense opportunity to explore yourself and work upon your shortcomings. Take this period after the divorce to become more self-aware, evolve as a human being and recreate your life.
Do not rush to the dating world or enter a rebound relationship. Regardless of who initiated the divorce, you need your time to heal and move on. Start seeing people only when you are completely out of your marriage, both legally and emotionally.
Sort out the conditions of divorce such as alimony, separation, legal process, child support, and avail counselling services wherever possible.
Learn to move on by investing in a rebuilding phase, as mentioned in the article above. Moving on after a divorce can be a long and non-linear journey but is attainable. There should be a will to heal, and rest will follow.

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5 Steps for Moving on After a Divorce and Rebuilding Your Life!

Written by The Easy Wisdom Media

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