How to Deal with Negative People & Relationship with a Negative Person?
Are you in a relationship with a negative person, or other people’s negative energy is bringing you down? They may be anyone from your friends, family, coworkers, or even your partner. When you surround yourself with negativity, it is easy to absorb such energy, and it may make you feel negative about yourself! Therefore, it is imperative to shut down a negative person and reclaim your life. I have done the same and recreated my life story by regaining peace and happiness in life. Read more to know how I did it and how you can do it too!
By Akram Ali
I love her, but she completely drains me off! Every time we catch up, I know what I am up for: an hour rant about everything unfair, unjust and miserable. Our conversation often starts with whining and ends only with cribbing. Speaking of another friend, she is stuck in a relationship with a negative person, whereby she is often subjected to criticism and made to deal with the gloom more often than not. Common no one loves negativity, and we are no saints. Constant negativity in a relationship, negativity in a marriage or a relationship with a negative person can be draining and can rip you off your self-respect, happiness and peace. Therefore, it is imperative to shut down a negative person and reclaim your life. I have done the same in my life and recreated my life story. Let us see how to deal with negative people and handle a relationship with a negative person successfully.
Many times we end up counselling people again and again. We often listen to their complaints, but what do we get in return? I wondered that she never calls me to check back how I am doing, rarely listens to what is going on in my life for more than a few minutes and drifts the attention back to herself quite smoothly. I used to question, “why I am even showing compassion to someone who doesn’t even deserve it?”
On the other hand, I had friends who were often negated either by their spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, and even family members. For them, the cup was always half empty. I have seen them suffering from the emotional trauma that constant negativity in a relationship can cause. Their actions were often questioned, efforts belittled, and every step criticized. Like really?
I believe that everyone deserves compassion, empathy, care and concern but not at the expense of their self-respect and happiness. I understand that someone has developed a negative outlook due to personal circumstances, experiences, and adverse life situations, but it doesn’t mean they own all the right to project it onto others. Their personal experiences would have defined and shaped their personalities, and you can choose to be on their side and help them come out of it. But keep a close watch on such a relationship with a negative person, lest it starts considerably affecting you. And in no time, it can turn into a toxic relationship as well. While it is good to be compassionate, you should guard your self-respect first. I understand if you are in a relationship with a negative person and want to fix it, you should also understand that you are not a rehabilitation centre for badly raised men or women. It is not your job to fix them, change them, nanny them or raise them. You always wanted a friend, partner and companion and not a lifelong project.
All the negative people in your life have one thing in common: unlimited unconstructive energy that ends up affecting everyone around them. And you do not want to be played around anymore. In my past, I was surrounded by negative people in life. They sucked my positive energy like vampires until one day I decided that enough was enough. It was time to let some of them go, limit my interaction with some of them and work with the diligence with a handful of them. I devised a clear plan as I wondered how to deal with negative people in life, worked upon it and recreated my life story. I know how to shut down a negative person and tackle constant negativity in a relationship. Such negative people are difficult to deal with and are critical, hostile, aggressive, angry, rude and even inconsiderate. When such people repeatedly drain everyone around them and spread their toxic negativity, how do you maintain your compassion without getting impacted by their negative doom? How do you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their behaviour, or pisses them off, or may even help them?
How to Deal with Negative People and How to shut down a Negative Person?
Here is what worked for me and will surely help you too.
1. Discard
Many people are beyond repair. They are too scarred, venomous and critical to be fixed. And even if you want to fix them, the cost of fixing them seems quite unreasonable. In such a case, it is better to let such people go. Retaining them would mean denting your self-esteem, and puncturing your self-respect and ripping yourself of happiness and peace of mind. It might hurt you a little in the beginning but soon you will feel free and more peaceful. A complete negative detox is the only answer in some cases.
2. Detach
When other people’s negative energy brings you down, and you find yourself surrounded by negativity, it makes you vulnerable too. You start absorbing negative energy too. It affects your mindset and rips you off good vibrations. In such a scenario, it is advisable to detach yourself from such people. Do not let constant negativity in a relationship adversely affect your state of being. You are not responsible for their feelings, and they should deal with them on their own. You should limit the time you spend with them and focus on positive people in life.
3. Speak-up
Do not let negative people downgrade you, belittle you or bug you with their never-ending chores. While it is important to listen to them and think before you speak, it is more important to speak up when the time demands. Do not take anyone’s shit, but respond calmly. Let them know that there is a limit to everything, and you are in no mood to take it further. You should not pretend that their behaviour is acceptable and tell them that their negativity is abysmal.
4. Question yourself
Take some time off and reflect. Be honest with yourself and ask why are you even dealing with such a negative influence in life? Does it fulfil your desire to be needed? Or does it make you feel important? Or you are doing it for some vested interest of yours? Asking such questions will expose some unexplored aspects of your personality that will make you respond in a better way. It will help you control the way you behave. You will be able to decide if you want to discard them or limit them in your life. Seeking clarity will help you devise a clear strategy on how to deal with negative people. So if you are wondering how to shut down a negative person, question yourself first. The answer lies within.
5. Maintain a balance
Yes, you love your partner or a special friend and want to help them out. You want them to be happy and want them to get rid of their negativity. And the best you can do is accept them as it is, patiently be with them while guarding your own interest. You may choose to give them some space and call off the night when you know you cannot handle their negativity anymore without being rude. You certainly love them, but you want to maintain a fine balance too by protecting your positive space. If you decide to retain a few people despite their negativity, it is completely fine. But make sure to take care of yourself first, protect your interest and find your peace. Being with them doesn’t mean taking it all. But it means you let them be and intervene only when it is required.
My life experience has taught me that you can’t change the world. But you can make it a better place by being self-aware and by prioritizing yourself first. It means you need to protect your positive space and be empathetic. Identify your emotions and people who matter to you. If they are worth holding onto, help them. And if they are too lethal to hold on to, let them go. In any case, stay calm, shield your positive energy, and let not any form of negativity affect you.
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Originally published at https://theeasywisdom.com on May 10, 2021.
