Is my relationship over? Have I moved on emotionally, or is it just a phase? How to know when a relationship is over. Are these the questions that are haunting you? If so, read on!
No matter how perfect they may seem, all relationships have their fair share of ups and downs. Relationships are never linear, and you would have experienced it yourself. But if your relationship is not feeling the same lately, and it’s been months, and you are thinking of calling it quits, then it is a matter of concern. Is my relationship over? Have I moved on emotionally, or is it just a phase? How to know when a relationship is over? Are these the questions that are haunting you?
But hold on!
Before you conclude anything, you would like to take stock of your inner feelings too! There are times you feel most secure in your relationship. And then there are times when you feel exactly the opposite. All relationships go through the same.
There are four stages in a relationship. To know which one are you in, click here: The four stages in a relationship.
Occasional arguments, temperament mismatches, and even space issues are common in all healthy relationships. These are the problems that haunt every single one of them. A moderate and occasional presence of these issues is not a problem. But if these issues are totally absent in your relationship, it is definitely a sign of a bigger problem. And if these issues are permanently present in your relationship, it is a crisis!
So, you will want to look closely at your connection with your partner before you decide to move on or conclude anything worse and put on an SOS!
Reflecting and analyzing your good and bad moments can help determine whether your problems are worth working through together or if it is time to part ways. Parting ways doesn’t always mean you do not love your partner anymore. But it can also mean that staying together is not the best choice for both of you.
There are times when you face emotions that are hard to ignore, such as a hurtful event that has punctured your trust. You may feel that you are losing your connection with your partner. And if you feel that this feeling is not withering away but getting worse with time, you need to take a call!
But it is easier said than done. When you have been emotionally invested in each other for years, it can be easier to turn a blind eye to differences and clashes. Breaking up is never simple. But by learning how to recognize when a relationship is over, you can prepare for a brighter future and choose the best way to move forward in life by rebuilding yourself.
So, how to know when a relationship is over? What are the signs that you should be aware of and when to let go of a relationship?
Let’s find them out!
How to know when a relationship is over? 8 Signs!
How to know when a relationship is over? The following eight signs will help you understand where your relationship stands and give you definite hints as to whether it is over or if there is some hope left.
- You both don’t agree on anything.
Even minor issues can lead to frustration and anger when you deal with constant disagreements.
When disagreements and fights start to dominate your relationship, and there are only a few minutes of calm, it is to be taken seriously. Regular disputes and discord can permanently upset you and negatively affect your psyche. And ultimately, it can derail your marriage or relationship, and even basic problems become unsolvable.
I have encountered many couples with perceptual disagreements, insignificant or deep, that they could not resolve on their own. For example,
- She feels the children should be sent to boarding school, but he embraces day schooling.
- She wants to spend weekends with extended family or go shopping, but he finds it boring and instead wants to spend time at home and relax.
- He wants to save the money that came unexpectedly, but she wants to spend it.
- He wants to watch Netflix in the evening, but she wants him to run the errands.
- She wants to sleep early, but he wants to party with his friends.
So how come these disagreements have become so profound? Because the two people who are fundamentally different with different family backgrounds, experiences, opinions, and temperaments pledged to become one. As a result, when you choose to marry or be in a relationship, you choose a particular set of disagreements with your partner. And if you married someone else, you would have chosen a different set of differences.
Unresolvable conflicts are inherent in all relationships, but they should settle down with time. If the differences do not tone down but increase with time, they can potentially harm your relationship in unexpected ways.
So it is time to move on when you both find yourself constantly nagging, whining, or having differences and don’t agree to settle on anything in common.
When you settle on a narrative that you both can’t agree on anything together, it is an unfortunate sneak peek of your relationship’s future.
2. You no longer fight or communicate.
All relationships go through their fair share of ups and downs. But sometimes, excessive conflicts and disagreements can be so traumatizing that they can mute both partners and lead to utter silence in a relationship.
Some couples become so done with fighting that they simply stop. Not because they accept and agree. But because they agree to disagree. As a result, silence strikes.
Silence in a relationship is the most dangerous sign of all!
When silence strikes, there are no fights. Partners stop complaining and communicating. But it proves only one thing they are convinced about: nothing will change! As a result, they stop whining and then stop sharing, only to realize that they have drifted apart so much that nothing is left to hold on to.
3. Your goals don’t align.
A major bone of contention in any relationship is that both partners want different things in life. When such a situation strikes, no matter how much you love and care for each other, there will be no convergence if your goals are not aligned.
Sometimes, even the most robust relationships with a significant amount of love fall apart when the goals differ. For example, your desire to live with your parents or children, to migrate to another country, your professional aspirations, or the city you want to settle in can be completely unaligned with what your partner wants.
When your life goals don’t align, it can lead to a catch-22 situation and a deadlock. However, there is some hope. When both partners are ready to compromise their individual pursuits to make way for common goals in the best interest of their relationship, they can survive. But without that, keeping yourself aligned with your relationship can be challenging and hard to ignore.
4. You don’t respect each other anymore.
Respect is the most fundamental value in any relationship. And when respect is gone, eighty per cent of the relationship is dead. How can you be in love with your partner when you can’t respect them, or how can your partner claim that they love you yet don’t give you the respect you deserve?
Getting angry and snapping back is fine, but there is a fine line that no one can cross. And if you think that you both have lost respect for each other and the fine line has been crossed many times, it is time to rethink your relationship. When you don’t value and respect each other’s choices, decisions, space, and aspirations, it is a strong indication of the future of your relationship.
So, how to know when your relationship is over? When you start to lose respect for your partner, it indicates your relationship has become fragile and is on the verge of breaking anytime.
5. You no longer emotionally connect with your partner.
It is tough to convince yourself to save your relationship when the spark is gone. One of the critical signs your relationship is ending is that you no longer connect with your partner, miss them, and are open with them. Emotional connection with your partner is a cornerstone that defines any relationship. And when it goes missing, nothing can save your relationship.
We all hide our inner feelings from ourselves and others. And when you discover this, you should invest in some soul-searching to get a clear picture of where your frustrations and emotional discontent are coming from.
You should share your inner feelings with yourself and your partner. If you are not sharing what is on your mind, it is clear that you no longer want any deep connection with your partner. Also, if you feel that you no longer miss each other, spend quality time, eat or sleep together, and have less engaging conversations, your bond is certainly weakening.
6. You evade physical intimacy.
Physical desires can sway up and down in a relationship, and it is only natural to see your erotic life have its fair share of ups and downs. But if your passion has deflated and you both do not bother to spice things up again, it is a matter of concern.
Lack of physical intimacy hints at deeper issues in your relationship. It is not a healthy sign if you don’t romanticize your partner and purposely evade physical involvement with your partner.
A lack of physical interest in your relationship is often an indicator of the health and longevity of your connection. So watch out for these signs. When just the thought of touching your partner intimately or being close to them turns you off, your relationship needs an overhaul. Else a break-up is probably near.
7. You don’t trust each other.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, be it friendship, love, or marriage. And if there is no trust, there can’t be a relationship.
But what is this trust we are talking about?
This trust could be faith that you put in your partner, believing they will never do things that can harm you or the relationship. Infidelity, inconsistent behaviour, lies, deception, emotional unavailability, or not keeping up the promises can break your trust. And once you lose trust in your partner, it is hard to rebuild the same.
Lack of trust hollows out your relationship from within and can be a roadblock to forming a meaningful connection. So, if you feel you can’t rely on your partner and are not able to trust them, your relationship is over!
8. You have lost all hope.
When your relationship starts to feel hopeless, and there is no faith that things will ever improve, your relationship is almost over. For two people to work through their problems, they must come together willingly to sort out the issues and iron out the differences. And if one of you feels that there is no hope left and nothing will work out, your relationship is already dead.
So, these are the eight signs that answer the question: how to know when a relationship is over!
Regardless of what is causing discord in your relationship, it is never a comfortable situation to be in. If you are still in love and have some hope left, you may communicate with your partner and address it head-on. When you take the first step, your partner may acknowledge it and reciprocate favorably.
Alternatively, you can seek couple therapy or counselling from a certified professional on family matters to help you better communicate and understand each other.
Always remember that all relationships deal with obstacles, and yours is not unique. Only with patience, empathy, compassion, love, hope, and communication can you survive all the odds and save your relationship from dying.
After all, where there is a will, there is a way!
But despite all your efforts, if you are the one resenting, compromising, and sacrificing, and your partner is not ready to invest in the relationship, it is a sign to move and rebuild your life.
Are you still pondering over the question, “is my relationship over” and “how to know when a relationship is over?” Take this “is my relationship over quiz” and find it out yourself.
How to know when a relationship is over quiz
If you fear your relationship is over, take this “how to know when a relationship is over quiz.”
Answer these 18 simple yet thought-provoking questions with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ If you have more numbers of ‘yes,’ alas, your relationship is either over or heading towards potential devastation. If it is ‘no,’ you are still in a safe zone. And in either case, you need to act swiftly and take a call.
When you think of your relationship, does it give you negative emotions?
You and your partner fight all the time and in front of others too?
Do you prefer to spend your time alone, eat, and sleep alone rather than with your partner?
You both are not bothered to check on each other, stay updated about each other’s whereabouts, food, and other activities?
Do you feel constant negative emotions about your relationship, such as resentment, anger, and toxicity, and it drains you out?
Do you think your life goals do not meet and converge with your partner?
Do you feel you have compromised and sacrificed enough in your relationships, and now you are done?
Do you no longer respect each other’s individuality, choices, decisions, and aspirations?
Do you no longer love and feel emotionally connected to your partner?
Have you guys gone silent after years of fighting, not communicating much, and sharing your emotions?
Are you convinced you don’t have a future with your partner?
Are you not hopeful that your relationship will last and that things will fall into place?
Do you think you are not ready to have kids with your partner or raise them together?
Have money, kids, or societal reasons been the only motivations for being in this relationship to date?
Do you despise saying “I love you” to your partner?
Do you evade getting physically intimate with your partner?
Do you daydream about getting single?
Do you think you can be happy or your partner can be happy, but you can’t be happy together?
So is my relationship over?
If the above questions resonate with you and most of your answers are “yes,” it is a sign that your relationship is almost over. When you stop communicating, start avoiding each other, pick up fights, don’t feel affectionate, are full of resentment, and have lost all your hopes, yes, your relationship is over.
But I believe there is always hope. And if you are hopeful, you should know that it is possible to save a relationship that is falling apart by
- Seeking couple therapy.
- Being honest about your feelings with your partner.
- Communication openly and honestly.
- Empathizing with your partner’s pains and frustrations.
- Taking the first step to healing yourself and your relationship.
- Spending time finding your own faults than displacing the blame.
- Spending time together thinking of the good old days and reviving the old spark.
- Last but not least, by being hopeful and willing to turn things around.
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