How To Let Go of the Past and Be Happy? 5 Insightful Tips!
Our past doesn’t fail us, but we fail ourselves by being stuck in it. Read on to know how to liberate yourself from the shackles of your past and be happy.
Nobody goes through life unscathed. Everybody has an experience with a person or a situation that left a permanent scar on them. And whenever they are reminded of these situations, the loneliness, sadness or pain associated with that memory always comes back regardless of the time that has passed. So, is there a way to move away from things that have hurt us in the past in a way that they have a less emotional load on us? If yes, how to let go of the past and be happy by healing ourselves from past pain?
Our past doesn’t fail us, but we fail ourselves by being stuck in it. -Akram Ali
I was once broken and hurt, struggling daily to move on in life, but I was unable to do so. And when I dug deeper, I realised that I just can’t let go of the past. I knew very well that yesterday was my past and that I needed to leave it behind. But even with this life wisdom, I failed miserably.
A lot of people are getting into that space. They do not realise that they need to learn lessons from their past but not live in it. If you live in it, you will keep living in it. It is an endless loop that needs to be broken because it has the power to consume you completely.
If you focus on the past, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lessons, you will continue to grow. -Akram Ali
Coming back to my story, I continued to live in history and was obsessed with my past for years. Nothing seemed to matter to me more than my past mistakes, circumstances and misfortunes. I was bleeding. I was resentful and unhappy. So, how did I unchain myself from the shadows of my past and recreated my life story?
The things I did to break this loop was not easy, but it was totally worth it. Now I am not a prisoner of my past. I don’t let my past dictate my present and demolish my future.
So were there things I did differently? No! As they say, winners do not do different things, they do things differently. And it is what I exactly did. I refused the same old monotony of living in my past and took conscious steps to work towards my future. It’s was all about convincing my mind and nothing else. All I did was to take a few smaller yet effective measures to reclaim my life back!
Let me ask you one thing: have you ever thought of why you are not able to let go of someone you love? The reason is that you not aware of the fact that holding onto memories is a conscious choice, just like the act of letting go. For your records, I want to tell you that not everyone is a prisoner of their past. Some people are successful in navigating their past and finding their solace. And I am sure you can be part of this lot too.
As you move forward in this article, you will unravel the reasons you are not able to move on and find out how to let go of the past and move on happily.
Why it is hard to let go of the past?
Before you work towards letting go of your past, you should enlighten yourself on why you are not able to let go of the past. Even when you know that holding onto the past is not worth it and is limiting your ability to be effective in your present, you still are unable to command your mind to do so, why?
If we get to the core of it, we will find the real reason for not being able to let of the past and move on. One such reason is your resistance to change. People find it hard to let go of the past because they do not want to change. People despise changes in life as change represents uncertainty and ambiguity.
The process of letting go of the past has its own repercussions. One such repercussion is the feeling of dumping a part of yourself that belongs to you. Your past plays an important role in your life to the point it defines who you are today and becomes an integral part of your present life. When you start to convince yourselves to let it go, you feel that you will not be the same person as before. And it is the root cause of your resistance to change. And it is precisely why people find it hard to let go of the past and be happy.
To challenge the status quo and bring about a change, you need to venture out of your comfort zone. But it can be a frightening and unsettling thought. It requires a lot of emotional energy to convince yourself to leave the past behind and embrace the future.
Here are a few suggestions you can consider implementing in your life when you find yourself stuck in your life. I promise the suggestions I am giving below will be thought-provoking, insightful and liberating too! They will help you unshackle you from the pain of yesterday and ultimately lead the happiness to seep-in.
Also, if you want to find out if you are stuck in past or not, take this quiz.
How to let go of the past and be happy?
1. Understand that not all the things happen your way
Not everything happens in your life your way. Not everything happens in my life my way. Very few things happen in my life my way. In fact, only ten per cent of the activities happen your way, and the rest ninety per cent don’t happen your way. It may freak you out. But it is the reality, whether you accept it or not.
Most of you who have made it to this point, are most likely the ones who are yet to accept this fact. They are still stuck in the past, obsessing over it and craving to go back and change it. But it will never happen. Come whatsoever may!
You know that your only problem with life is that you want to control your life and everything in it. You obsess with things that didn’t happen the way you wanted them to happen and things that are not happening in your life the way you want them to happen. But you are very good at ignoring things or not being mindful of the things that happened your way. Stop doing that. Be grateful for things that are happening your way and stop obsessing over the things that didn’t happen your way.
You need to understand that if things are not happening your way, they are happening somebody else’s way and at least that somebody is happy. Your loss was their win, and your win will be their loss. And it is a cycle that will alternate or repeat and hold till eternity.
So, when you look back, you should be glad that things happened in your best interest, even when those things were not the ones that you wanted initially. You may still be too clouded to see the truth, but once the dust settles, it all will become clear. It may take a few years to realize that. But once you realise this, it can be enlightening. At least I took a long time to decipher this wisdom. And now I am glad a lot of things that I wanted didn’t happen when I look back.
Whatever happens in life happens for good. So accept it and move on.
It doesn’t mean that all of the things that went on in my life in my past, I am glad happened. If given a chance I would still go back and correct them. But I know that it will never happen. So, I have stopped obsessing over my past. Instead, I have gracefully accepted the past, embraced it and learnt from my past mistakes. It is the least I could do to let go of the past and be happy in my life.
2. Focus on how profound and exhibiting your experience is
What matters to me is how profound and exhibiting is my experience of life. It is not real life when everything happens your way. In fact, life is not when it happens your way. And your way is what you believe is true based on your experiences, wants and beliefs. It is what you call your way. But do we know the entire spectrum of things happening in life? We don’t understand life, the universe, nature and the plan God has for us. Whatever we know is very little like an iota of what actually life is.
From this little knowledge and belief, do you expect that things should have happened your way? I believe you must be glad that something you didn’t know and expected happened. It means life is happening to you. You should not fret over things not happening your way. You should focus on finding meaning in your life based on your past experiences by learning from them and evolving.
So rather than being stuck in past and tormenting yourself, you should approach your past from a different perspective- a perspective that is more liberating and enlightening. A perspective that makes you take pride in how challenging your past was and how resilient it made you. Ultimately, you will realise how profound and exhibiting your experience was, and you will start healing. You will eventually learn to leave your past behind and move forward in life.
And It is true for all of us alike!
Our past fails us only once. But we choose to fail ourselves repeatedly by being stuck in it. -Akram Ali
3. Learn to fight or get crushed
There are only two types of people in life- those who fight and those who get crushed. And similarly, there are only two ways in which life operates. One in which you learn to ride the waves and prepare yourself for the larger wave. Or you do not learn how to ride the waves and get crushed by the waves.
So, is there something wrong with the waves? No! there is nothing wrong with the waves. There is nothing wrong with life. Life is as happening as it always was. It is how life is- rough and challenging!
The problem is you are not making yourself fit for life and are hiding behind your past. And it is what exactly is happening. So ask yourself, are you fit for life or not? And if you are not then why are you not making yourself fit for life?
There are only two options. You can choose to remain stuck in the past, be defined by your past circumstances and fade away. Or you can choose to liberate yourself from the shackles of your past by fighting back.
But the first fight you have is with yourself, and it is perhaps the most challenging one. You have to convince yourself to change, reinvent and recreate. And to do so, you have to learn to embrace the positive aspects of life and find reasons to stay happy. As they say, happiness is a choice, you have to choose happiness every day.
Resistance to change is your biggest enemy when it comes to letting go of the past and being happy! And when you navigate past this, you start to break the loop. Eventually, you learn to unchain yourself from your past.
4. Approach your past with a solution mindset and not the problem mindset
I have seen many people coming up to me and telling me that I can’t work with these people. They are horrible. But if you are in quest of finding horrible, you can find horrible in everybody and every situation. On contrary, if you think what you are doing is significant, you can learn how to work your way with those horrible people. But if you think you deserve the best and expect to work with ideal people, there is no such world on earth- you must go to heaven today!
You should not produce a list of things about what was wrong in your past but produce a list of working solutions and create a forward moment in life. If you invest in your problems, you will see everything in this life as a problem. Trust me, it is how life operates. Think about one person in your life who is not a problem. If you encounter them the wrong way, they are the problem. Isn’t it?
It is your skill to approach life with a solution mindset and not a problem mindset. So, stop approaching life from the problem end, as it will lead to endless problems in your life because everybody is capable of creating trouble. Have you found one person who is not troubled if you have touched them the wrong way? If you touch a trouble spot, everyone can be a problem. Right? Therefore, you have to learn how to touch the solution part of them and not the problem part of them. And this goes with people, situations and every aspect of life.
So if you want to let go of the past and stay happy, revisit your life and your past with a solution mindset and not a problem mindset.
5. Get out of the victim mindset
You are either a victim or a survivor. So which one are you? I am a survivor as I do not relate to or understand the victim mindset. I underwent trauma as you did, but I came out victorious.
It all boils down to your mindset. So choose the right mindset and feed the right thoughts to your mind. Stop expecting an apology from others and drop the resentment. It is in your best interest to forget, forgive and move on not for others but yourself.
Last but not least, focus on your present and thrive to build a beautiful future. There is no better way to live!
I hope this post was thought-provoking enough to help you let go of the past and be happy. If you like this post please share this with your friends and family. Also, if you have something to talk about, please mention the same in the comments section below. We would love to hear your thoughts.
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