How to Practice Empathy? Sympathy vs Empathy vs Compassion!
I thought I understood empathy, but it is easier said than done. I realized that being empathetic and compassionate was more than just being nice to someone for a few hours. True compassion and empathy are tougher than they appear to be, and they are worthwhile. When you practice empathy and compassion, it has the power to heal you and change you for the better. So how to practice empathy, and how it is different from pity, sympathy and compassion? Let’s find out!
I always thought I understood empathy and compassion. Having spent a lot of time counselling friends and family, I knew what empathy was. I thought I understood it thoroughly. But with time, I realized that being empathetic and compassionate was more than just being nice to someone for a few hours. True compassion and empathy are tougher than they appear to be, and they are worthwhile. When you practice empathy and compassion, it has the power to heal you and change you for the better. So how to practice empathy, and how it is different from pity, sympathy and compassion? I will share the things that worked for me and stood the test of time.
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to comprehend and emotionally understand what others are feeling, see their point of view, and ability to put yourself in their shoes. While it is easier said than done! Practising empathy requires powerful emotional intelligence.
If you are empathetic and do it right, it unfolds several mental health benefits for you as well. Empathy is not only good for others but also for you. Empathy goes beyond pity and sympathy and acts as a link between you and others.
But before we learn how to practice empathy, let us first understand why is empathy important.
Why is empathy important?
Empathy is one of the essential life survival skills. It is critical to building good relationships, both in your personal and professional life. It is a fact that people who practise empathy at work are more effective people’s managers and more successful individuals. It is one of the most important social skills you will find ever. People who practice empathy are more healthy individuals as compared to others. Practising empathy heals not only the receiver but also the giver.
Recommended Read: How to heal yourself emotionally in 5 steps?
Benefits of practising empathy
- Empathy is an essential survival skill
Empathy is an essential survival skill and can save your life. When you are empathetic to others, you are listening and feeling them. Reading and feeling people can also help you prepare for such eventualities in future and make the right decisions for yourself. Empathy, therefore, helps you survive and navigate your life challenges.
2. Empathy associates you with others
When you practice empathy, you deeply feel others and connect with people in meaningful ways. And in the process, you realise the importance of the need for connection and attachment. When you practise empathy, people also reciprocate equally. And the social connection you nurture is essential for your well-being.
3. Empathy can help lower your stress
It is a fact that when you regulate your emotions well, you can regulate the emotions of others and relate well with others. The reverse is also true. When you take up the experience of regulating the emotions of others, you are better able to handle your stress without being overwhelmed. Engaging in empathy teaches you the skill of emotional regulation and helps you control stressful emotions.
4. Empathy prevents burn-outs
Yes, empathy also prevents burnout. The higher a person’s empathetic skills, the lower is their burnout in performing daily chores. When you practise empathy, you become adept at understanding the stress, depression and challenges others are facing. It, in turn, prepares you to handle tough situations in your life more effectively and help you prevent burnout.
5. Empathy resonates well with morality
Ask yourself: what is your reason for existence? It is larger than just you and your life. You want to make this world a better place by treating others well and understanding their pain and challenges. Therefore, empathy is the foundation of moral behaviour that foster healthier communities, societies and relationships.
While it is true that some people are naturally more empathetic than others, anyone can practise and increase their empathy. However, there is a difference between pity, sympathy, empathy and compassion. So let us decode pity vs sympathy vs empathy vs compassion.
Difference between pity, sympathy, empathy and compassion: pity vs sympathy vs empathy vs compassion
People often confuse empathy with pity, sympathy, and compassion. Let us find the difference between pity, sympathy, empathy and compassion.
What is Pity?
Pity is equivalent to the acknowledgement of someone’s suffering. When you feel someone is suffering, you feel the discomfort yourself. But pity is less personal and engaging than sympathy, empathy or compassion. It is little more than mindful admission of the person’s plight.
What is Sympathy?
Sympathy is a sensation of care and concern for someone you are close to. When you are sympathetic to someone, you want that person to be happier and improve upon his situation. Sympathy is more personal and engaging than pity where you say, ‘I care about your suffering.’ However, sympathy does not involve shared emotion, unlike empathy. Sympathy is also different from benevolence, which is a more altruistic, impartial and unbiased attitude than sympathy.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is the ability to comprehend and emotionally understand what others are feeling, see their point of view and be able to put yourself in their shoes. When you practise sympathy you say, ‘I feel your suffering.’ You fully understand and feel the pain the other person is going through to the point it affects you.
What is Compassion?
Compassion is suffering alongside someone you feel for and feel more engaged with. Here you express your active desire to alleviate the pain and suffering of people. When you practice compassion you say, ‘I want to relieve your suffering and alleviate your pain.’
Signs that you are empathetic
There are a few signs that show you are empathetic towards other’s needs:
- You are a good listener and lend your ears to others patiently.
- People often share their problems with you.
- You are good at gathering what people are feeling or going through.
- You think a lot about how people feel.
- People look up to you for your advice.
- You get stressed and anxious by tragic events.
- You look forward to helping people who are in need.
- You care about people and society at large.
- You struggle with setting boundaries with other people.
Having said that, empathy makes you concerned for the happiness and well-being of others. While empathy and compassion is an indication of a strong mindset, lack of empathy is one of the signs of a weak mindset.
Signs that you lack empathy
Here are a few signs that hint that you lack empathy:
- You are critical of others and their emotions.
- You are unable to regulate and control your emotions.
- You are unaware of your feelings and others’ feelings as well.
- You blame and accuse others of being over sensitive.
- You overreact to small things.
- You find it difficult to build and sustain relationships.
- You are insensitive and inconsistent. (Learn how to deal with emotional inconsistency!)
- You are biased and judge others.
- You are not open to others’ perspectives.
Your lack of empathy can have many reasons behind it. The environment you were raised in could be a reason. For example, you grew up with parents who didn’t show compassion or empathy to those around them. It could be your past trauma and difficult life situations that caused your lack of empathy. In some cases, your lack of empathy could also stem from specific personality disorders.
How to practice empathy and become more empathetic?
Here are a few tips that you can follow and think about to become more empathetic:
- Be empathetic to yourself first
Have empathy for yourself too. When you are in a conflict with someone else or are dealing with a difficult life situation, you should acknowledge your negative emotions and express your fear, anxiety, anger and sadness. It helps you assess your own situation and devise appropriate strategies thereof. Doing this will allow you to sympathise with your own self, the other person you are conflicting with and your circumstances.
I have introspected a lot, and I empathize with myself before anything else. My empathy and compassion now flows from my heart and not just from my mind.
2. Visualise the other person’s situation
While it can sometimes be difficult for you to understand another person’s feelings, perspective or position, imagining and visualizing it right will help you empathize with the other person. The more you visualize and experience their life, the more empathetic and compassionate you become. Your willingness to put yourself in another person’s shoes will help you cultivate empathy skills.
The practice of putting myself in others’ shoes mentally and imagining their part of the story helped me become more empathetic and compassionate.
3. Show compassion to yourself
I believe, in order to practice empathy, you should first be compassionate towards yourself. People who have a complicated relationship with themselves struggle to be kind, compassionate and loving towards themselves. So if you are one of them, it is time to forgive yourself and be kind. Forgiveness is the best thing you can do to heal yourself or your wounded inner child. Let go of the negativity and your troubled past, and live a life of peace and empowerment. Forgiveness has to start with you.
Once you forgive yourself and accept who you are, you create life situations that help you gain the right perspective to show empathy to others. So if you want to show authentic empathy to others, show compassion to yourself and embrace your past self.
4. Listen and give undivided attention
Often when you listen to someone, you get busy with articulating replies in your mind. But it takes you away from feeling the pain the other person is going through. Instead, you should just listen, delay the speaking and give the other person your undivided attention. If you listen patiently, you will walk on the road to becoming more empathetic and compassionate.
5. Respond to sentiments and not the words
When people are distressed, they conceal real emotions like fear or guilt behind anger or blame. But to be really empathetic and compassionate, you need to look through these underlying emotions, recognise them and respond accordingly.
So how to practice empathy? I have shared what works with me to feel and be moved by the pain of others. You can share your thoughts, insights and ideas in the comments section below.
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