I will always be there for you! Really? Relationships Redefined -The Easy Wisdom (5 Mins Read)

‘ I will always be there for you ‘- We all have heard this line of faith and commitment numerous times from many people at different stages of life in our social interactions whether in formal or informal relationships. We have also said this many times to all those for whom we care. This helps in building mutual trust.

The Relationship Ladder

This one line- I will always be there for you — is not merely a statement but a complete narrative of reliability in any form of relationship. In our hard times or when we are unable to handle our situation, especially emotionally and mentally, we approach those people whom we trust with an expectation that he or she will help me. And we find ourselves blessed to see that the person is right there for me — ready to extend a helping hand, give encouragement, solutions, advice, and moral support. Life becomes smooth once again as we start trusting our relationships.

But the problem never comes once. Either it re-occurs or it comes in another form. We again tend to approach the people who had supported us in difficult times. Yet again we find them standing beside us. We climb up the trust ladder of relationship we built before with an unsaid expectation of their presence whenever we need them in the future to pull us out.

Once more, we may encounter a problem, and again we may try to step up the ladder of relationship we built earlier. But this time the trust ladder might seems sketchy. The people whom we approached now have different thinking and may react completely opposite to their previous versions. They either deny their help or avoid us. The ladder of trust is shaken and we may hit the ground with an impact.

It is not uncommon to listen to the statements as below:

1. Why cannot you solve your problem?
2. I am too busy and occupied right now, I don’t have much time to listen and advise.
3. I am fed up advising you on the same issues again and again.
4. There is no solution to your problems. I am still with you and I will always be there for you. But for now, you may deal with it on your own.
5. Why do you approach me every time, when you have a problem? I am not responsible for your problems.
6. You make me feel guilty by telling me your problem as now I have a moral responsibility to pull you out of it or advise on the same.
7. I have my own issues and problems and I can’t handle more than that.
8. You are seeking sympathy and attention. It’s less real and more attention-seeking in nature.
9. You don’t really follow my advice and fail me every time. So, what’s the point?
10. Your problems are never-ending and repetitive. It irritates me. It’s better to deal with your problem.

When someone close to you denies help, it puts you in a state of shock, trauma, and broken trust. Heartbreaks, trust deficit widens, and feeling of being cheated sets in. Your mind goes into jeopardy looking at the same people whom you helped and always stood by, whenever they needed you, consistently and patiently. You devoted your time, energy, and patience till stability and consonance were achieved. You never overreacted, and denied help, even if the problem was repetitive, with no solution, mundane or self-created. You were patient and empathetic and stood by the other person till the other person needed you or till he was out of his mess.

Consistency and Commitment — Two pillars of Relationships

We should know that in any form of relationships, listening to somebody, needs lots of patience, consistency, and commitment. And that one needs to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective. The focus should be on the psychology of the person seeking help, and his mental health. People should understand why and how the person in need behaves differently at times, and why he or she needs help and support. All this should be kept in mind. If someone is approaching someone, again and again, it means he or she has immense faith in his relationship with the other person with the subtle expectations that the much-needed help will be extended. We should realize that sometimes being a passive listener does the trick. You may not be capable of giving a concrete solution but lending a patient ear and extending some warm gestures is enough. We should also understand that valuing our own words is the most important thing in any relationship. We should be able to differentiate between ‘ Being with you and being there for you ‘. We should understand the meaning of ‘consistency and commitment’ in its true essence, especially for those who have faith in us. Above all, we shall understand the meaning of harmony and synchronization in social interactions.

Developing Relationships with yourself first

More often than not either you break apart or you fight back with your inner strength. You may console yourself by saying ‘I am thankful to all of them who said ‘no’ to me. It is because of them I am doing it myself and for myself. I realize I am stronger and I don’t really need anyone to sort my issue out. I am enough for myself”.

In reality, you stop putting your faith in relationships. When they say “don’t worry, I am there with you and I will always be there for you”. You listen and smile and let it pass. You realize that it's only ‘you’, who can bring a change, it’s only ‘you’, who can help yourself, and it's only ‘you’, who can pull yourself out of that darkness, filth, and melancholy. You start by first avoiding sharing problems with others. Then you turn to someone who is more powerful for providing you a solution- and that’s ‘YOU’. You dig solutions from within and focus on developing a more meaningful and deep relationship with yourself first. You start deriving energy from within and emerge as a winner. You turn to spirituality; you practice various techniques to keep yourself calm and composed and you learn to avoid situations that may put you in the dark state again. You become proactive and refrain from ‘negativity’ and encourage things which lead to ‘positivity’-of mind, body, and soul.

The Relationship Dilemma

But is expecting from others and relationships is a utopian thought? Are people not so altruistic anymore? Expecting Idealism is a crime now? The bitter truth is that people are short on patience and time. They are too busy to listen to you over and again, empathize, help, and invest in this relationship. They give up on you too soon. They are too shallow to see that the other person needs some handholding till they are capable enough to fight on their own. They fail to realize that a third person’s perspective and intervention is much needed, without failing to realize that your problems are self-made, not worth their time, efforts, and energy.

The Neo-Relationships

Alternatively, we as humans are social beings. We are bound to get attached and form expectations in our relationships. When people promise their love, care, and make strong statements for being there always, do they really mean it? Is it merely lip service? They lift our expectations by making promises and commitments. By doing so they are letting us put our trust in them and vice-versa. Is it not their moral responsibility to live up to their promises and deliver what they promised in a consistent and patient manner? We as a civilized and evolved species should not ‘walk the talk’? Shouldn’t we more empathetic and deliver when we are supposed to? Shouldn’t we be more human in dealing with our relationships? Or we are heading to a civilization where everyone is more individualistic, independent (emotionally), and distant! A civilization where everyone is alone and detached- A Neo-Relationship without any attachment and expectation Do we still qualify as humans or it is another behavioral evolution of human species in this fight for survival of the fittest? Is it even worth any meaning when your say I will always be there for you…………… Really?

What is your opinion on this? Would love to hear your experiences and opinions in the comment section below.

Originally published at https://theeasywisdom.com on April 2, 2020.