Inner Child Work- How To Reparent & Heal Your Inner Child?
We never fully grow up. Within us lives an inner child that always has something to say. And being in touch with our inner child helps it heal and makes us more effective in our present. Learn how to heal your wounded inner child and recreate a future you always longed for.
Have you ever wondered why you can’t move forward in life? Have you ever thought about why you feel guilt and resentment? Have you ever questioned why you fear abandonment, have trust issues and suffer from low self-esteem? The reason is that inside of you lives an inner child who was once wounded. Yes, we all carry within us the wisdom of our present self and the innocence of our former self a.k.a our inner child. But many of us experience neglect and trauma as a child, and such harsh experiences get sealed within us somewhere, resulting in deep wounds. The wounded inner child lives in our subconscious and influences our present behaviour. Inner child work or the process of nurturing, reparenting and healing your inner child, therefore, becomes important because it limits your ability to be effective in the present. So how to reparent your inner child or how to heal your inner child?
Suggested reading: 8 Signs You Are Carrying A Wounded Inner Child Within?
Our brains are very receptive at a young age, and it is the critical period for learning and forming early life experiences. Based on the kind of role we played in childhood, our brain created our own survival tactics. These scripts become our guiding factor to our subconscious mind when making decisions.
Nurturing, reparenting and healing your wounded inner child helps you revisit, review and re-write the script. This process of healing your inner child is also called inner child work! So how to go about healing your inner child? Before we talk about healing your inner child, let us talk about what we mean by reparenting your inner child and inner child work.
Take this Quiz to know if you are carrying a wounded inner child!
What does it mean to reparent your inner child?
Reparenting your inner child is about healing your past trauma or wounds that still persist within you. When the needs for affection, achievement, prise and emotional support go unmet in childhood, the deep wounds it causes can prevail in your adult life as well. And now that you have grown up, you can determine what your inner child needs to heal, and you can provide it to it. In fact, you are parenting your own inner child to help it heal, prosper and reject the old hypothesis it formed in its childhood days. When you nurture your wounded inner child, make it feel safe and listened to, it starts healing and helps you recreate a future you always longed for.
What is inner child work?
Inner child work is an approach to healing your inner child that requires you to take out time to know yourself, examine your emotional response to things, and then introspect where those instincts come from. It involves acknowledging, communicating, understanding and embracing your wounded inner child in order to heal it. The inner child work is a therapy that your present self gives to your former self. Through inner child work, you can learn to resolve past trauma you have been holding on to for years in your subconscious. And when you practice inner child work on a regular basis, you start to heal emotionally (5 Steps To Healing Yourself Emotionally) and become effective in your present.
How to reparent and heal your inner child? Inner child work technique!
Here are 5 steps to nurture, reparent and heal your inner child:
- Formulate a conversation with your inner child
The first step to healing your inner child is to acknowledge their existence by giving them an identity. You can start by feeling their presence. Talk to your inner child and tell them that you can see it, feel it and sympathise with their pain. Speak to your inner child and treat them with kindness and respect. You can reaffirm your inner child by saying a few things such as I love you, I am sorry, I am here for you, thank you, I forgive you, etc.
Connect with your inner child by creating a psychologically safe place for them. Establish a meaningful and empathetic relationship with your wounded past self. Let them come out and express their hurt and wounds. Let the wounded inner child narrate and share with you their long and painful journey. Meanwhile, you can reassure them that their safety is your promise and that you won’t let them down ever again. And one way to reconnect with your wounded inner child is through reaffirmations and journaling.
2. Embrace and validate what happened
Once you acknowledge and establish a dialogue with your wounded past self, go back in time with them and recreate the situation that caused your trauma or emotional impairments. One way is to look at your childhood pics and go back to memories that you want to re-write. If you encountered neglect, look at those pictures and cuddle yourself. Reassure your inner child of your love and protection. If you are part of the LGBTQ community and experienced shame or guilt, embrace your inner child and reassure them that your feel proud of who they are. The idea is to be realistic about what has happened and accept the same as you travel down memory lane. Give yourself all the things you did not receive as a child, such as appreciation, comfort, love and respect.
3. Write a letter to your inner child
To heal yourself, write a letter to your inner child. Tell your inner child now you understand what they went through and the circumstance you did not understand back then. For example, as a child, you experienced a lot of shouting and scolding from your brother that made you fear him to date. But now you know that your brother encountered years of bullying and emotional abuse. And now his shouting and hatred make sense. You can write a letter to your wounded inner child and explain the same to him. Your revelation and insights will definitely soothe his pain and offer your inner child comfort and reassurance. It, in turn, will help him heal.
4. Promise your inner child your protection
Understand that the child who once was not accepted keeps hopping from one relationship to another. The child who never felt complete enough keeps seeking approvals. The child who was once abandoned keeps exhibiting trust issues. And now you hold the key to your inner child. A child who never got desired love from parents expects the same from you. So promise him what he wants. The wounded inner child needs to hear that you are there for him.
Now that you are in touch with your wounded inner child, you can help him heal by assuring him of your presence, protection and parenting. Tell your inner child or your former self that you won’t let it suffer, not anymore! Tell your inner child that you will stand tall for their emotional needs, well-being and will always take care of them. Tell them now you have grown and that you will offer them much needed protection.
5. Convince your inner child to let go of the past
Now you have connected with your inner child, made it believe in you, reassured him of your love and protection, and are in constant touch with it, now is the time to convince your inner child to let go of the past. Tell them that you know that they are hurting and that it is time to let it all go and move on. Tell them that it is time to let go of the bitter experiences, resentment, shame and guilt. Convince your inner child to forgive others, not for anyone else but their own peace and well-being. Tell them not to let their former pain and hurtful experiences rule their present and determine their future.
Once your inner child receives what it longed for so long, it will slowly start healing. It will let go of the past and bitter experiences. And as your wounded inner child starts healing, your present self also becomes more peaceful and happy.
Always remember, it is never too late to heal and try inner child works. By nurturing, parenting and healing your inner child, you become more effective in your present. You learn to express your emotions healthily, and increase self-compassion! The inner child work can truly liberate you from the shackles of your past.
So what is the one thing you would want to say to your wounded inner child today? Do share your thoughts in the comments section below. We would love to hear from you.
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