-Learn to say ‘No’-How to Say No Without Guilt!
If you really want to make yourself happy, reduce stress, and lead a meaningful life, learn to say no! Read on to know how to pull your own strings, gain control over your life, and empower yourself by prioritizing your happiness over anything else!
Simplify your Life, Learn how to say no without guilt!
“It’s only by saying “No”, that you can concentrate on the things that are really important”~ Steve Jobs
Why is it so difficult to say the word “No”? It’s just a word, right? It is not that simple as it seems. Saying ‘No’ is one of the most difficult things that you may face. But trust me, once you learn to say No, your life is sorted.
I learned how to say no without guilt a few years back and realized it has made my life much simpler, meaningful, and peaceful. Now, I have more time to focus on important issues and on people who really matter. And an inadvertent outcome is that I am now better at prioritizing my work. Of course, this means fewer friends. But this also means more time for my family, for myself, my hobbies and interests, and for people who actually matter. And the bonus is having less pressure in life to meet people’s expectations while living your life for yourself first before anyone else.
Recommended Read: Stop Putting Others First! Reasons why Putting Yourself Before Others is not Selfish!
Why do you find it difficult to say ‘No’?
Let’s understand why people find it difficult to say ‘No’ and get to the psychology behind it!
There may be various reasons, either working up in your subconscious mind or piling up in an unfrequented corner of your brain that determines your psychology, which in turn may trigger certain behavioural outcomes like succumbing to pressures and eventually saying ‘yes’.
Also Read: Unleash The Power of Your Subconscious Mind- 8 ways to Translate Dreams into Reality
Few such reasons why we often find it difficult to say no are mentioned below. If we understand why it is difficult to say no, we can easily learn how to say no without guilt.
- Our culture has given us memes and rituals that help us avoid uttering that dreaded word. We are wired to help our family, friends, neighbors, and society. Even as kids while growing up, we learned that saying ‘No’ was impolite and inappropriate.
- The idea of turning down a request may be politically incorrect. It hints at selfishness.
- Saying ‘No’ can also be perceived as a sign of weakness either in your own mind or in the mind of others.
- There is a common perception that if you say ‘No’, you are letting others down.
- There is a notion of fear that you will be seen as someone difficult to get along with and someone who does not play well with others.
- Does saying ‘no’ come naturally to you? If yes, you are ‘Yes-Man’ or ‘Yes-Woman’.
- Saying ‘yes’ is considered more positive than saying ‘no’. We live in a society dominated by so much negativity around, saying ‘yes’ will bring some respite and bring more positivity in your life.
- Are you blinded by a herd mentality? In most cases, people operate with a herd mentality mindset that drives them to say ‘Yes’ as they do not want to be an outlier by taking a different stand from others. And saying ‘yes’ is what everyone is doing either at the workplace or in their personal lives.
- You obviously want to return a favor & this seems like a good thing to do so.
- You want to prove your worth. If your self-esteem is low, or if your job feels a bit insecure, then you might be inclined to say ‘yes’. If the circumstances were different or you felt better about yourself, you would have taken the opposite stand.
Now we understand the probable reasons, which may determine our behavioral expression that conforms to the societal norm of saying ‘Yes’. Learning where these beliefs have come from is the best way of knowing how to say no without guilt and a great way to learn to let go of them. Also, see ‘learn to say no infographics’
Why saying ‘No’ is not bad? And how to say no without guilt!
Before we learn to say no we need to understand the following:
Saying ‘No’ doesn’t mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind
The first step to learn how to say no without guilt is to understand that doing so is not rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all regressive beliefs that make it hard to say ‘No’. Now that we are all adults, we are much mature and capable of making our own choices, know the difference between wrong & right, and what is within limit and what is off-limit.
Saying ‘No’ reflects that you know your Value
The second step to learn how to say no without guilt is to realize that you are valuable and it’s your right to choose your opinion about yourself over others. I have learned that if you live your life depending on other people’s approvals, you will never feel free and happy. In fact, there is no limit to expectations and whatever you do, people will still be dissatisfied. Therefore, we should value ourselves and realize that no one else in this world can offer us what we can to ourselves.
You may also like to read: Happiness is a choice, choose to be Happy — 11 ways to choose happiness today!
Saying ‘No’ is really worth it!
The third step to learn how to say no without guilt is deciding if saying yes is really worth it? After committing to something, if you are still in doubt and begin to think of ways to get out of it, you are in for trouble! I remember once my manager called me to check if I was free to work on the coming weekend. As usual, I politely said, “yes, I don’t have any problem“. I knew I had plans with my friends and family over the weekend and I was looking forward to it since Monday. I was still wondering why couldn’t I say no? Soon I realized feeling absolutely terrible about having said ‘Yes’ and wished that I just had the guts to say ‘No’ upfront. Dreading the idea of having to work on the weekend, I immediately called my manager with the best excuse I could come up with and told her that I had completely forgotten that it was my father’s birthday on Saturday followed by a family get-together encompassing the entire weekend (which was certainly not the case). Looking back, I realize that it really isn’t worth it to say ‘Yes’ when you don’t want to. You have a choice to say ‘No’ when you want to and shouldn’t be afraid to do so, especially at the cost of your own happiness.
Also Read: Want to reclaim happiness at the workplace?
Benefits of saying ‘No’
When you learn to say no, here is what you get:
1. More positive energy
You will have the luxury of having your me-time and time for yourself first of all. This means you can focus on your wellbeing, and have more time for introspection, reflection, and self-improvement. This also means that you will be more adept at channelizing your energy in the right direction while focusing on the right issues and people who actually matter. This will lead to more meaningful, harmonious and synergetic life interactions, and eventually to eternal happiness.
Recommended Read: ‘Me Time’ before ‘We Time’! The Importance of Me Time And Why It Matters! Infographics Series!!
2. More time
There are only 24 hours in a day, but from now on, most of the time will be at your disposal. Saying no will give you ample time for being at ease and help declutter your mind leading to overall mental wellness.
Also Read: It’s Okay to Not to Be Okay! How to deal with Depression & Failures in life?
3. More confidence
Saying no to others also means saying yes to yourself. This is what I call a back-handed ‘I love you’ to the most important person in your life-‘you’. Therefore, love yourself first before you love others, and it will make you more confident and self-assured.
4. More control
Saying no means you are in the driver’s seat, steering your life in the direction you wish to move while pulling your own strings and taking charge of your life into your own hands! You are more in control and master of your own destiny.
5. More respect
Saying no will leave you with more time and energy. This translates to having more time for assessing your value and self-worth. As you finish establishing your self-worth, you will respect yourself more and so will others!
6. More fun
Life bestowed upon us is to be enjoyed. When you stop working for others, you start working for yourself and start fitting in with your interests, hobbies, and passion. This makes life fulfilling, joyful and fun!
Learn how to say no without guilt!
So now we know why it is important to learn to say No, let’s sum up with helpful tips for saying ‘No’ (Also refer to how to say no without guilt infographics):
- Be direct, such as “no, I can’t” or “no, I don’t want to” where ever possible. But if this doesn’t come in handy, you may politely deny by saying ‘sorry’ and by asking the other person ‘is there any other way I can help you?‘
- Don’t apologize and give all sorts of reasons. Don’t justify, it’s your right to say ‘No’
- Don’t lie and undo the ‘yes-commitment’ by backtracking. Be upfront the first time and say ‘No’. Lying will most likely lead to guilt-which no one wants. Also morally it is not good to keep people hanging as you may lose your trustworthiness and may even cause inconvenience to the other person.
- Always remember that it is better to say ‘No’ now than be resentful later. Always remember to be polite, by saying things like “thanks for asking.”
- Practice saying ‘No’. Imagine a scenario and then practice saying ‘No’ either by yourself or with a friend. This will make you a lot more comfortable with saying ‘No’.
- Don’t say “I’ll think about it” if you don’t want to do it. This will just prolong the situation and make you feel even more stressed.
- Remember that your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for other people, rather it’s the opposite.
Learning to say no has been one of the best things I have done to myself. Not only did it help me to overcome my fear of rejection but also to have control over my life. I do not feel trapped, resentful, or guilty anymore. Instead, I feel empowered and free. If you want that same feeling of freedom and empowerment, take control, challenge yourself, and learn to say no.
Also Read: Is Gratitude your Attitude? A Gratitude Infographic Walkthrough!
The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life. It gives you a sense of empowerment.
Originally published at http://www.theeasywisdom.com in March 2020.
