Love Bombing: What Is It and How to Protect Yourself?
Love bombing is a poisonous and manipulative behavior characterized by frequent contact, nonstop attention, and extravagant gestures early in a relationship. Stay informed and be empowered to spot love bombings and avoid getting wounded.
Grand romantic gestures in the early days of a relationship could be sweet. Like, hello, here’s all the approval and reassurance you’ve ever wanted. But the trickery, manipulation, and abuse will start once the love bomber has won your trust. This person, who once made you feel like a king or queen, starts to put you down, control you, and make you feel less important.
It is exactly what happened with Sonia. She was impressed with his old-fashioned gestures and the acts of chivalry-he opened the door for her, pulled the chair out, and whatnot.
Plus, they were Netflixing the same show, listening to the same songs, exchanging gifts, and longing to see each other over and over again. Raman was the best man she could ever get. Could he be the one?
The following day, over coffee, Raman told Sonia he had deleted all the dating apps and wanted her to do the same so they could be exclusive. Sonia couldn’t think clearly. She felt good about it but was a little concerned. The behaviour seemed assertive, but she reasoned (ignoring her instincts). It is how a relationship is supposed to unfold.
A bouquet. A beautiful dinner without any distractions! And at the end of your date, they tell you, “I can’t believe it, but I think I’ve found my soulmate at last.” This is the moment you have longed for-or a love bomb?
What is love bombing?
“Love bombing” is a word used to refer to a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to influence and gain control over their victims with romantic gestures. It involves overwhelming the target with excessive attention, affection, and flattery in a short amount of time, often in an attempt to create a strong emotional bond.
Love bombing can happen between two people of any gender ( gay or straight). A love bomber might be someone trying to manipulate the other person in the relationship by being more domineering in the connection. Even female to male.
What makes love bombing so confusing for the person on the receiving end is that, at first, it feels excellent, thanks to all the dopamine and endorphin rush you get from the bomber’s lavish gestures. It all makes you feel loved, worthy, and valued, increasing a person’s self-esteem.
So, for a while, everything seems like it couldn’t be better. But the trickery, manipulation, and abuse will start once the love bomber has won your trust. This individual, who once treated you like royalty, now begins to insult, control, and devalue you.
So why do people engage in love bombing?
People may engage in love bombing for a variety of reasons, but some common motivations include the following:
1. To control or manipulate the other person
Love bombing can be used as a way to gain control over someone else. By showering them with attention and affection, the love bomber can make the other person feel indebted to them or more likely to comply with their wishes.
2. To boost their own ego
Love bombers may use excessive attention and affection to boost their own self-esteem. They may feel a sense of power or validation from being able to win over someone’s affection so quickly.
3. To cover up negative traits
Love bombing can be a way for someone to distract from negative traits or behaviors. By overwhelming the other person with positive attention, they may be able to deflect any criticism or negative feedback.
4. To establish a relationship quickly
Some people may engage in love bombing as a way to establish a relationship quickly. They may feel that by showing an excessive amount of affection, they can fast-track the relationship and avoid any potential rejection or uncertainty.
Love bombing is something anyone can do; however, it is most commonly a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder. Love bombing is largely an unconscious behavior. It is all about getting the other person by hook or crook. And when they feel they have conquered the other person and feel secure in such a relationship, the narcissist flips and shows their true colors, becoming abusive, unreasonable, and manipulative.
It’s important to note that while “love bombing” can feel exciting and flattering at first, it is not a healthy or sustainable way to build a relationship. If you suspect someone is engaging in love-bombing behavior, it’s essential to take a step back and objectively assess the situation. Trust your instincts and look for any red flags or warning signs.
Classic signs of love bombing
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic that involves showering someone with excessive love, attention, and affection in order to gain their trust and manipulate them. Here are some signs that someone may be engaging in love bombing:
1. Moving too quickly
A love bomber may try to establish a relationship very quickly, often before the other person feels ready. They may talk about love, marriage, and other serious commitments very early on in the relationship.
2. Overwhelming attention
A love bomber may shower the other person with an overwhelming amount of attention, such as constant texts, calls, or gifts. They may also want to spend all of their time with the other person and become possessive or jealous.
3. Flattery and compliments
A love bomber may use flattery and compliments to make the other person feel special and desired. They may constantly tell the other person how perfect or amazing they are.
4. Grand gestures
A love bomber may make grand gestures, such as surprising the other person with expensive gifts or vacations. They may also make extravagant declarations of love, such as writing love letters or poetry. (A man who says, “ he can’t stop pondering about you “ after just one date, watch out for him.)
5. Manipulation
A love bomber may use manipulation tactics to control the other person, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or making the other person feel responsible for their happiness.
If you are looking for more specifics, here’s what a typical love bomber might say:
- They say, “they want to pamper you.” (If they buy you outrageous gifts in a short amount of time.)
- They say, “they just want to be with you all the time.” And if you are making yourself feel guilty for desiring boundaries or space, it is not a good sign.
- They say, “they worry about you, so they want to be updated about your whereabouts.” If they do it once in a while, it is normal. But if they are constantly checking on your whereabouts, asking for passwords, or stalking you on social media, it can be a sign of love bombing.
- They say, “we are made for each other.” It might sound very flattering, but it is advisable to be cautious if things get too intense too soon and they start to claim that you are their soul mate.
- They say, “You and I are together for life, right?” Be careful of such statements.
Here are some typical examples of how a love bomber may act:
- A love bomber may demand your attention and seek your time. They may even isolate you from your friends and family. For example, they may make you feel guilty about making plans with others and even get enraged.
- A love bomber may overtly shower you with compliments and extra affection.
- A love bomber may persuade you to commit to them very early in the relationship, regardless of your relationship stage.
It’s important to note that not everyone who shows affection or moves quickly in a relationship is engaging in love bombing. However, if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable with the amount of attention you are receiving, it’s important to trust your instincts and set boundaries. A healthy relationship should involve mutual respect, trust, and communication.
How do I know if I have been love-bombed?
You may dismiss “love bombing” as passionate love that feels really good. And why not? We all love to be desired. However, it can be love bombing, too, and you need to be aware of the difference between passionate love and love bombing.
While true love is about respect, love, and mutual admiration, “love bombing” may feel more sudden, abrupt, and mismatched. Love bombing can be over the top. Think of a situation where your partner texts you 50 times a day or persuades you to go on a holiday with them at the most luxurious places in the world versus gifting you a book you both would love to read at leisure on your one-month anniversary.
Nothing is wrong with these nice romantic gestures except that they should be timed appropriately and not shoved down your throat from the very first conversation.
If you suspect that you have been love bombed, there are a few signs to look out for:
- You feel overwhelmed: If you feel like the other person is moving too quickly or overwhelming you with attention, it may be a sign of love bombing.
- You feel indebted: If you feel like you owe the other person something or are obligated to reciprocate their affection, it may be a sign of manipulation.
- You feel controlled: If the other person is possessive or jealous or tries to control your behavior or decisions, it may be a sign of manipulation.
- You feel uncertain: If you are unsure about the other person’s intentions or feel like they are not being genuine, it may be a sign of love bombing.
- Your gut tells you something is wrong: If you have a nagging feeling that something is not right or you feel like the other person is too good to be true, it may be a sign of love bombing.
If you suspect that you have been love bombed, it’s important to take a step back and assess the situation objectively. Trust your instincts and look for any red flags or warning signs. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist for support and guidance. It’s important to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being in any relationship.
Why is love bombing dangerous?
Love bombing can be dangerous because it is a manipulative tactic that can lead to emotional and psychological harm. Here are some reasons why “love bombing” can be hazardous:
1. It sets unrealistic expectations
Love bombing creates an unrealistic expectation of what a relationship should be like. When the love bomber eventually pulls back, the other person may feel confused or rejected.
2. It can lead to co-dependency
Love bombing can create a sense of dependency on the other person, making it difficult for the other person to assert their own needs or boundaries.
3. It can be a form of emotional abuse
Love bombing can be a form of emotional abuse because it is a way to control and manipulate the other person’s emotions and behavior.
4. It can lead to a toxic relationship
Love bombing can set the stage for a toxic relationship because it creates an imbalance of power and can make it difficult for the other person to leave the relationship.
5. It can harm self-esteem
Love bombing can harm self-esteem by making the other person feel like they do not deserve love and attention unless they comply with the love bomber’s wishes.
6. It can lead to isolation
Love bombers may demand all your attention and ultimately isolate you from your loved ones.
7. It can lead to the justification of bad behavior
Love bombers often justify bad behaviours such as infidelity or cheating. For example, “So what if I texted Jess, all I did it was for you so that I can buy this jewellery for you.”
And when a love bomber gets what they want, they may ghost you.
Overall, love bombing can be a dangerous tactic that can lead to emotional and psychological harm. It’s important to recognize the signs of love bombing and set boundaries to protect yourself in any relationship.
How can I protect myself from love bombing?
So, what can you do if you are being love bombed? To protect yourself from love bombing, here are some steps you can take:
1. Take things slow
It could be a red flag if someone is trying to rush the relationship or move too quickly. Take the time to get to know the person and build a relationship at a healthy pace. It would be best to flag any excessive attention and gifts early in a relationship.
2. Trust your instincts
If something feels off or too good to be true, it probably is. Listen to your gut instincts and be cautious of someone who is too eager to please.
3. Pay attention to actions, not just words
Words can be deceptive, and love bombers often use grand gestures and sweet talk to manipulate their targets. Look for inconsistency in their actions and behavior to determine if they are genuine.
4. Set boundaries
Be clear about your boundaries and expectations for the relationship. A love bomber may try to push those boundaries to test your limits and gain control.
5. Keep your independence
Maintain your own hobbies, interests, and social circle. A love bomber may try to isolate you from your support network to gain control over you.
6. Seek support
If you feel like you are being love bombed, reach out to friends or family members for support and guidance. You may also consider speaking with a therapist or counselor to process your feelings and develop a plan for protecting yourself.
7. Learn to recognize narcissists and stay away from them
People with a narcissistic personality disorder would lack empathy, seek attention, have an inflated ego and sense of importance, and have distressed relationships.
8. Take cognizance of your own vulnerabilities
If you suffer from attachment issues, were emotionally detached from your family, or learned to be flattered by gifts, you may be more vulnerable to love bombers. So, you should proceed with extra caution and take your time to heal.
9. Have a checklist of what a healthy relationship looks like
A fulfilling and healthy relationship is characterized by respect, independence, freedom, compassion, empathy, and listening. And these are the traits that are the weakest virtues of a narcissist or love bomber.
10. Stop communicating
It is in your best interest to stop communicating with someone you think is trying to manipulate and control you. So, it is better to dump these love bombers and move on.
Do not succumb to the temptation of attempting to rehabilitate a love bomber. It’s not up to you to do that! Also, narcissists have a hard time dealing with criticism and failure, which means that trying to get them to see a professional will probably not help.
PS: If you write this article, please mention your thoughts in the comments section below.
Read Also: How do you know when a relationship is over? 5 undeniable signs!
Originally published at https://theeasywisdom.com on March 4, 2023.
