Manage Getting A Grip — Manage Your Anger Before It Manages You!
The way in which we perceive and deal with our everyday stressors, disappointments and frustrations create an overarching impact on our lives. One such outcome of our formidably burdensome life is Anger. Our management of such stressors (specially anger) generate emotions which tend to be simple yet somehow, at times they may feel extremely complex. These emotions like anger, fear and sadness are a natural part of being human and shall be managed before it slips out of our hands. Anger is a normal emotion, if it helps us work through our issues. However, if anger leads to undesirable behaviour like extreme aggression, outburst, abusive language and physical altercation, it needs to be checked to avoid embarrassment. Therefore, it is desirable to manage your anger, before it starts affecting your lives in a negative way.
The origin of the word “anger” paints an interesting picture. In Sanskrit, anger or “Amhu” means distress and “angr” from Old Norse refers to grief, pain and sorrow. It shows us how more primary emotions such as fear and sadness are found to underlie our feelings of anger. Fear and sadness create feelings of vulnerability and are uncomfortable to deal with. We wish to bring back a sense of control and certainty and therefore, we humans mask our fears and sadness with anger. In short, anger is a manifestation of our inability to deal with uncertainties and feelings of powerlessness, lack of control, disrespect, violation, inequity etc. Despite the fact that it is the most natural emotion exhibited by humans, learning to manage your anger although seemingly complex, is very simple. There are various ways to control your anger which when applied prudently prove their mettle and lead to positive outcomes & happiness!
Evolutionarily, certain emotions like anger have been linked to our basic survival instincts and skills honed over the course of human history. Anger is commonly understood as a feeling which occurs in response to any kind of frustration or injury. It alerts us when we feel something is not right, and in response we must protect ourselves and our loved ones from any form of unfairness or injustice.
There is a huge difference between feeling angry and showing it. The former is a state of emotional and physiological arousal. Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is referred to as a way of showing that anger that is directed towards others with an intent to cause harm. This aggressiveness shown through yelling and screaming towards someone makes us feel better, but it ends up doing more harm than good and therefore it becomes important to manage your anger timely and deal with anger issues.
EFFECTS OF ANGER
Biologically, anger is the fight part of the “fight, flight or freeze” response of the sympathetic nervous system every time a stressor is perceived. However, fighting the stress does not necessarily mean showing violence by throwing punches. In most of our daily situations, it would mean taking the stress head on by motivating ourselves and constructively working towards reducing it. This is exactly what anger management teaches us.
Mahatma Gandhi is a brilliant example of a person who constructively managed his anger. In the book “ The Gift of Anger “, Arun Gandhi wrote about how his grandfather’s childhood and marital life were marked with extreme anger issues. However, over the years he began to introspect and turned his anger into a motivating force for fighting injustices in the country.
PHYSICAL HEALTH
Constantly operating at high levels of anger can be damaging to your physical health and may lead to heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, insomnia, compromised immune system.
MENTAL HEALTH
Anger consumes a lot of your mental energy, clouds your judgement, and makes it harder to enjoy life. It can easily lead to depression, stress and other mental health conditions.
PROFESSION LIFE
While difference of opinions, heated arguments, and workplace differences can be productive, constant anger at workplace and lashing our only alienates your colleagues, mangers of other stakeholders.
RELATIONSHIPS
Anger can cause deep dents in your relationships with the people you love the most. Extreme anger makes it hard for others to understand you, trust you, feel comfortable in front of you or even speak up honestly.
How to manage your anger?
If you are looking for ways to manage your anger, the best way to possibly handle anger is to dig deep within oneself and understand those emotions (pain, grief, fear) that are creating feelings of uncertainty and uncontrollability. Even in anger management, completely getting rid of anger is not the aim as it is not always a negative feeling to experience. Rather, focusing on what is in our control and what isn’t helps in keeping a check on what might trigger our anger. As cliché as it might sound, deep breathing, taking a walk, counting, drinking water are sure shot ways of controlling anger.
It is also important to note that sometimes the frequency and severity of anger increases to the point that it creates dysfunction in our relationships, work performance and mental health. It is advisable to visit a psychologist during such circumstances as this anger can be indicative of a more serious symptom of mental disorders such as Bipolar disorder, Borderline Personality disorder, Intermittent Explosive disorder etc.
In Gandhi’s own words, anger is like electricity. It is just as powerful and useful if it is used intelligently but just as deadly and destructive if abused.
GETTING TO FORGIVENESS AFTER BEING EMBARRASSINGLY ANGRY
How to move on and forgive yourself
If you are trying to forgive yourself for aggressive or bad behaviour, try to make amends first like asking for forgiveness by making restitution or apologising. This will make you feel morally okay to move on & forgive yourself.
Prayers can lead to peace and help you seek forgiveness
Prayer can help you forgive and attain peace. When aggrieved person prayed for the person who wronged them, he or she is able to forgive that person more effectively. Also forgiveness is good for health and may help you lower your blood pressure and recover quickly after stress.
Find good in the bad and record your feelings
When someone has wronged you and you really feel angry, try to look at the incident from another perspective. That is try to find some positive or benefit in the experience. This will help you achieve forgiveness much easily and help you attain your lost peace of mind. Writing about the benefits of transgression or wrongdoing can help people become more benevolent & less vengeful.
Originally published at https://theeasywisdom.com on October 23, 2020.
