What Happens When You Fall in Love with a Married Man?

The Easy Wisdom Media
13 min readOct 5, 2023

Loving a married man is no joke. It is an emotional rollercoaster like no other. You swing between moments of euphoria and moments of despair. So, what happens when you fall in love with a married man? What are the consequences, and what does the future look like?

In love with a married man- The Easy Wisdom- www.TheEasyWisdom.com
In love with a married man- The Easy Wisdom- www.TheEasyWisdom.com

What? Are you serious? Are you in a relationship with a married man?

Are you dating a married man?

Trust me, this is not going to end well!

He will never leave his wife and family.

He is cheating on his wife, so how can you expect him to be loyal to you?

You are in for a ride. It’s going to be exciting, but be careful.

You will regret this decision. He will never marry you.

Don’t you feel guilty about breaking his family?

Are you sure you want to fall for this guy? There are so many single guys out there; date anyone else!

Girl, you have serious daddy issues.

Blah blah blah...

A lot of unwanted opinions. But thought-provoking ones.

Yes, this is the typical reaction you get when you disclose that you are dating a married man.

Some of your friends may get scandalized by hearing this or even start despising you, while others may find this idea exciting.

You will be flooded with multiple arguments about what others think about falling in love with a married man, regardless of whether you seek their views or not.

But they are not entirely unjustified and wrong! There are some merits to their arguments.

Falling in love with a married man sounds fancy. It might give you an adrenaline rush, but such a relationship seldom ends well.

When you start dating a married man, it gives you a thrill and an adventure. You feel passionate and lost in love. But soon, it can turn into an emotional trauma for you and your married partner.

So, the question is, will your married partner choose you over his family or his family over you?

Nothing could be worse for you if he chooses his family over you. It can be a devastating experience!

And if he chooses you, what follows is a hostile divorce and a broken family. But what is more alarming is that the bitterness and distrust from his past might destroy your current relationship.

Loving a married man is no joke, and getting into a relationship with a married man can be a major mistake. You need to know what you are getting into.

It is an emotional rollercoaster like no other. You swing between moments of euphoria when you’re together, feeling like the most cherished person in the world, and moments of despair when the reality of the situation hits you like a ton of bricks.

So, what happens when you fall in love with a married man? What are the consequences, and what does the future look like?

Let’s find out!

Is it wrong to fall in love with a married man?

There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a married man, as long as the other person is ready to commit to you and is seriously contemplating divorcing his partner regardless of whether you are there in his life or not.

There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a married man if the man has filed for divorce or is contemplating doing the same for his own personal reasons and not because of you by any chance. He should be the reason for his divorce, not you.

It is not wrong to fall in love with a married man if the person is emotionally, financially, and physically out of his existing marriage and has decided to become legally free as well by filing for divorce with clear-cut timelines in mind.

It is not wrong to fall in love with a married man if he is ready to commit to you and marry you in the near future, and if that’s what you want.

Is it okay to fall in love with a married man?

There are no rules when it comes to falling in love with a person. Love is a sacred feeling you can develop for anyone, regardless of their marital status, gender, or orientation. So, technically, it is okay to fall in love with a married man, and it is okay to keep loving him secretly.

The problem, however, arises when you confess your feelings and start dating a man who is happily married. This can have serious consequences for his married life. So, from a societal point of view, it is not okay to date a married man or get into a relationship with him.

However, it is okay to fall in love with a married man who is unhappy in his married life and actively looking out for companionship with other women. Moreover, if he is willing to settle down with you and has taken steps to divorce his wife, falling in love with a married man is completely okay.

What are the disadvantages of falling in love with a married man?

When you fall in love with a married man, a lot of complexities arise in a relationship. It may generate conflicting emotions, ethical considerations, and inner turmoil within you. You may also experience mental health concerns such as shame, guilt, resentment, fear, and whatnot.

Sometimes, the whole idea of falling in love with a married man may contradict your value system and cause you conflict.

Here are a few disadvantages to falling in love with a married man:

It can tarnish your reputation:

Falling in love with a married man can tarnish your reputation, and you may be labelled a home breaker. This can guilt-trap you and deprive you of your happiness. You may feel bad about breaking someone’s home and being the reason for a divorce. Such a relationship can earn you a bad name.

It can cause anger and resentment:

When you date a married man, seeing him live his life with someone else can be very tough and harsh and can negatively impact your psyche. The situation can become tense when you don’t foresee him taking concrete steps to get out of his marriage. Seeing him content in his married life, holding you in one hand and his wife in the other, can quickly make you feel let down. Such a situation can cause you a lot of pain, anger, and resentment.

It’s important to remember that when the man ultimately decides to get a divorce, it may also make his wife and kids very angry and resentful towards you.

You will never be a priority:

You wouldn’t agree less if I said you would never be a priority in a married man’s life. If you are already in such a relationship, you know he always prioritizes his family over you and spends special occasions with them. Moreover, he may mostly be missing from your life during moments you think are important to you.

This could be a major conflict in couples where one of the partners is already married.

It can emotionally drain you:

A married man may also give you confusing signals and exhibit inconsistent behaviour. For example, there would be instances when he is really bugged by his wife and wants to get out of his marriage. In such a situation, he will spend more time with you and make you feel like the most important person in the world. However, when things are fine with his wife, he may not be so reassuring to you. Again, such behaviour can put you in emotional dissonance and force you to rethink your relationship with him.

It may not end well:

When you are in love with a married man, you are never sure how it will end. There are a lot of unexpected consequences that can arise, and it all can emotionally drain you.

You may get impatient when you don’t see him taking steps to move in with you or divorce his wife. This may cause hopelessness. You may also become insecure and take actions that are undesirable.

For example, a friend of mine unilaterally decided to plan a baby with a married man she was deeply in love with without his consent, hoping to make him leave his wife and turn to her. But he was determined to get the baby aborted. This quickly turned into hostility, and things didn’t end well.

So, your insecurities, impatience, and lack of conviction from your partner can ultimately ruin your relationship and lead to potential heartbreak.

It is a missed opportunity for you:

When you date a married man, you miss an opportunity to be with other guys who are young, stable, single, and who come with no baggage. Think of this instead: Life can be so simple with these guys, so why waste your youth, energy, and time on married men?

Falling in love with a married man is easy, as they are financially stable, mature, suave, and know how to handle a woman. This makes them more attractive. But what are the consequences?

So, is falling in love with a married man worth it? Running down this path can be extremely lucrative but challenging, and it might not even lead to much success.

What happens when you fall in love with a married man?

Being in love with a married man can leave you with many contradicting emotions. You might feel quite happy to find the love of your life. But simultaneously, you may find it equally hard as he is, yet not entirely yours.

So, is it worth dating a married guy? What could be the consequence?

It’s like a zero-sum game. Your loss is his wife’s win, and your win is his wife’s loss!

It’s a win-win for him, no doubt!

What happens when you’re in love with a married man- The Easy Wisdom- www.TheEasyWisdom.com
What happens when you’re in love with a married man- The Easy Wisdom- www.TheEasyWisdom.com

Anyway, let us see what happens when you fall in love with a married guy or get into a relationship with a married man:

You will turn blind at first before coming to senses

When you fall in love and start dating a married man, you are in the first stage of your relationship. This stage is also called the attraction stage and is one of the best to be in, as it is defined by extreme passion, attraction, and lust.

In this stage, you typically find all the reasons to be with him, focus only on the positive, and turn a blind eye to anything that can pull you away from him.

But as the dust settles down, you will start to worry about the future of your relationship. You will come to terms with reality and will be able to see beyond lust and attraction.

You will never be his number-one priority

A married man, despite any declarations of a strained marriage, has family commitments that will always supersede his involvement with you. Those commitments, especially when children are involved, take precedence. As much as he may insist that his relationship with his wife is loveless, those children remain his top priority.

For example, he may cancel a weekend getaway with you at the last moment because his daughter had a school play he couldn’t miss.

So, if you are dating a married man, you already know what it feels like not to be his number one priority.

He will never see your family and friends

One of the joys of being in a relationship is introducing your partner to your close friends and family. It’s a significant step towards intertwining your lives. However, when you’re involved with a married man, this milestone is typically off-limits.

I recall a birthday party where one of my friends had to make up excuses about her mysterious boyfriend’s absence, leaving us curious and sceptical.

He’s probably not going to leave his wife

The harsh reality is that very few married men actually leave their wives for their extramarital affairs. The prospect of divorce, especially when children are involved, is a complex and emotional process. Also, breaking a marriage is not easy as there are a lot of considerations, such as legal, financial, familial, and emotional. Not every man is strong enough to deal with the complexities of divorce.

So, if you are in a relationship with a married man or dating a married man, be aware of such possibilities.

You could be blamed for ruining a family

If the wife discovers the affair, the fallout can be devastating, and you may be blamed for tearing a family apart. The weight of this blame can be emotionally crushing, affecting not only your self-esteem but also how you are perceived by others. This burden of guilt and shame is not something you should underestimate.

You’ll be waiting around for a long time

Whether or not he decides to leave his wife for you is a constant question mark. Moreover, you must consider that filing for divorce can also be a long process.

This waiting game can take a toll on your emotional well-being.

The question is whether you want to wait for this long, traumatic process and find out how the future unfolds. Most importantly, are you ready to wait for someone who’s already cheating on their spouse?

You will always be uncertain

It’s common to be uncertain about the future when you’re in love with a married man. You may wonder if he will leave his spouse for you or if your relationship will remain hidden indefinitely. This uncertainty can create a sense of instability and make it challenging to plan for the long term.

You’re missing out on meeting a single man

Being involved with a married man essentially makes you a second woman in his life. While many women, at one point, might convince themselves that he will eventually choose them, the reality is that you’re missing out on the opportunity to meet a single, emotionally available man who can offer you a healthier, stable, and more ethical relationship.

He won’t support you when you need it

In a committed relationship, one of the benefits is having a partner you can lean on during tough times. However, a married man often lacks the capacity to provide wholehearted support. I have seen my friend feel isolated during challenging moments, realizing that his obligations to his family took precedence over being there for her.

You are a short-term fling

As long as the relationship remains labelled as an affair, it’s unlikely to have a long-lasting future. Ironically, the longer the affair continues, the less likely he is to leave his wife. This can leave you in an emotionally exhausting and unsustainable position.

It is tiring to hide

When you date a married man, keeping your relationship a secret can erode your self-esteem and deprive you of the joys of a genuine partnership. The need to hide in the shadows can weigh heavily on your psyche, making you miss out on the simple pleasure of walking hand in hand with your partner, freely and openly, without fear or shame.

Constant fear of discovery

Living with the constant fear of being discovered can affect your mental and emotional well-being. The anxiety of someone stumbling upon your secret relationship can lead to sleepless nights and heightened stress levels.

Emotional turmoil

The emotional rollercoaster of loving a married man is exhausting. You experience intense highs during stolen moments together but are often followed by guilt, shame, and loneliness when you’re apart. This emotional turmoil can lead to feelings of instability and uncertainty.

Limited future prospects

While you invest your time and emotions in a relationship with a married man, your own personal growth and future prospects may take a backseat. You might miss out on opportunities to meet someone who is genuinely available and compatible for a long-term, healthy relationship.

Lack of validation

Being in a clandestine relationship can make you feel invisible and unimportant. The inability to have a public relationship can lead to a lack of validation and acknowledgement of your role in his life, leaving you feeling like a hidden secret.

Jeopardizing your own integrity

As a relationship expert, I’ve come to realize that being involved in an affair with a married man can jeopardize your own integrity and values. It’s essential to live in alignment with your principles and ethical standards, which may be compromised in such a relationship.

The potential for heartbreak

Ultimately, the journey of loving a married man can end in heartbreak. If he doesn’t leave his wife, you may find yourself abandoned emotionally and left with a broken heart. Even if he does leave his spouse for you, the trust issues and emotional baggage from the affair can continue to haunt your future together.

What to do when you are in love with a married man?

If you are dating a married man, you know where things can potentially go wrong. So, your first priority is to protect yourself from getting hurt in the process. Here are a few things you should always keep in mind when dating a married man:

  1. Don’t expect him to be there for you when you need them. Instead, build your support system to fall back on when needed. This will save you from a lot of hurt.
  2. Be watchful and careful about trusting him. Keep a close tab on how and what he speaks about his wife and relate it back to his actions.
  3. Don’t buy his words just because he keeps promising. If he says he is going to leave his wife, ask for proof and the steps he has taken in this direction. Words alone are not enough.
  4. It would be wise to keep your doors open for other men as things might not turn up in your favour. This option will allow you to meet someone more stable with whom you can build a future with.
  5. It would be best if you understood that when there is a problem in a marriage, it is never one person’s fault. He may pin it all on his wife, but he may himself be the culprit. So, evaluate your options wisely rather than being blinded by one side of the story. Try to figure out the truth.
  6. Always be ready with an exit plan and a plan for rebuilding yourself, if things don’t work with him. It would be wiser to “hope for the best and prepare for the worst.”
  7. Ask yourself, even if he divorces his wife, is he worth marrying? And you will know your answers.
  8. Last but not least, you must remember that if all goes well, his past will always be present in your marriage, especially if he has children.

My words of encouragement

So, here is my word of encouragement for you. You should value yourself and prioritize your emotional well-being before anything else. Consider whether this relationship aligns with your long-term happiness and goals.

Remember that you deserve a love that is open, honest, and respectful. It’s never too late to make choices that lead to a healthier and more fulfilling future. Seek support from friends and professionals if needed, and prioritize your own emotional and mental health in every decision you make. Your happiness and well-being should always come first.

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Originally published at https://theeasywisdom.com on October 5, 2023.

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