Why am I so jealous and insecure? How to overcome jealousy and insecurity?
Jealousy is not necessarily a problem. But Jealousy might be a sign of a problem in your relationship. Jealousy is a breeding ground of suspicion and leads to a fear of betrayal. So let now jealousy ruin your psyche and your relationship. Read on to know why you are jealousy and insecure and how to successfully navigate jealousy.
Are my boyfriend and his best friend more than just friends? Why does my boss favour my teammate more than me? Why do my parents love my younger sibling more than anyone else, including me? Why my BFF did not invite me to her sleepover party the other day? These questions have been haunting me off lately. So, am I being too much jealous, right? But why am I so jealous and insecure? And why am I so jealous and insecure in my relationship? If you can relate to such a situation, do not fret! Let us get to the root cause, decode it one by one and understand how to overcome jealousy.
Jealousy is a normal feeling that we all experience from time to time. At one time or another, we all have probably felt like the green-eyed monster. Yes, we all endured bouts of envy and possessiveness when we were kids or adults, both in our professional and personal lives. So many of you may ask that if jealousy is so normal, why do I feel anxious, insecure and discontent? And how to overcome jealousy and how to stop being jealous?
Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?
To answer this, let us recall the old wisdom that says too much of anything is bad and unhealthy. But a little jealousy is not detrimental. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and like other emotions, it signifies some aspects of our personality. Jealousy also tells us about something we need and reveals a lot about ourselves. I believe that our emotions need to release. And in a relationship, jealousy may mean that we need to communicate our boundaries, insecurities and desires to our partner. However, if you do not navigate your jealousy and possessiveness, it can become toxic.
Also, there is a difference between jealousy and envy. A little jealousy can be healthy in a relationship, but envy can never be healthy.
Difference between jealousy and envy
Many of us think that jealousy and envy imply the same meaning and use both these terms interchangeably. However, both jealous and envy have different connotations.
Envy is about situations or things or even positions like that someone else has and that you want. Whereas jealousy is concerned with people. Jealousy comes into play when you sense that your partner or friend is getting close to someone else or your position in your partner’s life is threatened by someone else.
You may be jealous of a person who is now closer to your BFF, whereas you may feel envious of your colleague’s promotion or your friend’s new Audi A8.
Why am I so jealous and insecure in my relationship?
People often ask ‘why am I so jealous and insecure in my relationship?’ The best answer lies within. Ask yourself why are you so insecure, and has it happened before in your previous relationships too? If jealousy has struck you in the past and it still kicks you in your present relationships at work and with friends, then it is a matter of concern.
Ask yourself if your jealousy is real? Or are you imagining it? So when you ask yourself, ‘why am I so jealous and insecure?’ also ask yourself a few questions. Questions like are you imagining things that are not true, or is jealousy just feeling and not a fact? Always remember that feelings are not the facts. I would encourage you to ask yourself, is it so and is it really happening? And if you answer no, it is time to let go of your negative feelings and thoughts. And to do so you should acknowledge the fact it is happening and then dismiss the feelings of jealousy, envy and possessiveness.
But your jealousy can be real as well. So ask yourself if your partner is not sensitive enough and is emotionally inconsistent? Or your friend doesn’t care about how you feel and is inconsistent in her behaviour? If yes then it means that your jealousy is valid and stems from your partner’s or friend’s actions and they have not given you enough reasons to be secure and content.
Recommended Read: Fed up with inconsistency in relationships? Learn how to deal with emotional inconsistency.
Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of…
Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of pent up feelings that need to be released. And these pent up feelings are the ones you are keeping to yourself, like insecurities, desires and wants because you are too shy to bring them out!
Jealousy is the emotion that comes out when we feel fearful of losing someone or a relationship that we value. Maybe, we start to worry about things such as: what if my partner is not into me anymore? Or what if her best friend might take her away from me? Or what if my BFF finds new friends to hang out with. It’s all about the fear of losing.
Jealousy is ‘I may lose you in some way feeling.’
Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of your own past traumatic experiences than about your partner’s actions. For example, you may be susceptible to jealousy and possessiveness if you have had unpleasant encounters in your past. And you start projecting your past in your present.
Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of poor self-image, poor self-esteem and lack of self-love. Many of us often do not feel confident or attractive enough, and it makes it hard to believe that our partners love us and value us. So jealousy is self-created and often imposed on us by our own beliefs and insecurities. While other times, jealousy can be induced by unrealistic expectations about people and relationships. We often expect our partners to devote their entire time to us. But is it healthy? Certainly not. It’s not healthy for partners to spend their hundred per cent of the time with each other. You need space and some time off each other to sustain your bond and maintain the sweetness in the relationship.
When jealousy becomes toxic!
People who question why am I so jealous and insecure should not worry till such a feeling becomes overpowering and consumes them entirely. Jealousy becomes a problem if it starts affecting your behaviour. Here are a few signs that indicate that your jealousy has become toxic to your health:
- You experience frequent mood swings.
- You feel bad and low about yourself and your relationships.
- You Feel insecure and anxious all the time.
- You often feel angry and resentful.
- You feel like seeking revenge.
- You feel other uncontrollable emotions.
Here are a few examples that also indicate that your jealousy has surpassed the definition of being normal:
- You have started spying on your spouse, partner or friend and are increasingly being suspicious of their moves.
- You clandestinely check your partner’s or friend’s emails, texts, call logs.
- You have started demeaning and insulting your spouse, partner or friend.
- You have started assuming that your friend is not interested in your friendship or your partner is not attracted to you.
- You often assume that you are being deliberately excluded from the plans.
- You have started making your friend or spouse feel guilty.
- You find yourself grilling your friend or partner or spouse about their whereabouts throughout the day.
- You have started accusing and taunting your friend or partner of lying without any proof or evidence.
Why it is important to overcome jealousy and insecurity?
When jealousy enters a relationship, it becomes impossible for the relationship to survive and nourish. And when jealousy enters between friends, family or at work, it destroys the relationships. And when envy goes unchecked, it can be devastating. A jealous person cannot fully trust others, and it restricts the person’s capacity to love fully.
Jealousy is not necessarily a problem. But Jealousy might be a sign of a problem in your relationship.
Jealousy can propagate mistrust, scepticism, and doubt, which can turn into intense and loud emotions. Jealousy is a breeding ground of suspicion and leads to a fear of betrayal. And an inadvertent outcome is that we start checking up on our partners constantly in an ordeal to catch hold of them. And it leads to extreme possessiveness.
Navigating relationships successfully requires mastering the art of overcoming jealousy and envy. To fix relationships defined by insecurity, possessiveness, and dominance it is critical to understand the cause of jealousy and the associated triggers. And the answers to understanding jealousy are within you. Once you acknowledge your jealousy, understand the root cause, and work upon it, it will set your free to savour a relationship built on trust and fairness.
So are you ready to break your jealous habits? And are you ready to overcome jealousy and insecurity?
How to stop being jealous? 5 Tips for how to overcome jealousy and insecurity?
“How to stop being jealous?” And how to overcome jealousy and insecurity? Well, you are on the right track by asking the right question. Your curiosity is the first step in overcoming jealousy and finding the right solution. With introspection, reflection and self-compassion, you can overcome being a jealous person.
Here are a few tips on how to overcome jealousy:
If you are encountering jealousy, envy or possessiveness because of reasons such as failed relationship, or defeat, or loss, it is best to acknowledge your feelings. Once you accept that you are feeling jealous and possessive, you can work towards overcoming jealousy.
1. Be honest about the feelings of jealousy
Recognizing and acknowledging your feelings will encourage you to identify what is wrong and make you feel upset.
So the most fundamental solution to the question of how to overcome jealousy is to first acknowledge it and then work towards it.
2. Get to the root cause of your jealousy
Ask yourself what is the source of your jealousy? Is it your own insecurities, past experiences, or is it for real? If your partner or friend is not sensitive, truthful or does not honour your feelings, you have all the reasons to feel jealous and insecure. If your jealousy stems from your poor self-image or your traumatic past, your own insecurities are causing your jealousy. So by getting to the bottom of your heart and resolving your inner conflicts will help you find a solution.
3. Take control of your emotions and mind
If you are struggling with how to overcome jealousy and envy, it is most likely your own mindset that is holding you back. So it is advisable to take control of your thought patterns and keep it focused in the right direction. The world is not just black and white and is defined by grey areas as well. Do not let your imbalanced cognition cloud your thoughts and distort your relationship.
Even if your jealousy is real, you should deal with it head-on. You should find a solution to it by communicating with your partner or friend in question. Do not keep it with you and suffer in silence. If your jealousy is due to your own insecurities, then it is time to transform your own thinking.
4. Turn your focus on your strengths
Every human is beautiful and has some unique traits. So what if your partner doesn’t care about the boundaries or your feelings. Does it make you small? If things are not working in your favour and insecurity is killing you, it is time to move on.
To pacify the feelings of jealousy, envy and possessiveness listen to your inner voice. Turn to your powers, and believe in yourself. Think of the moments you felt proud of yourself. Think of the strengths, skills and abilities that you bring to the table. Once you do it, you will see your insecurities fade away, and it will rebuild your self-esteem. Once your insecurities fade away, your jealousy and envy will also fade away.
5. Use your jealousy productively
The best answer to how to overcome jealousy and envy is to use jealousy productively. And here is how to do so!
Jealousy in a relationship can also be real and can have a valid reason behind it. We cannot discount the fact that it can stem from your partner’s action. It could be the case that your partner has never given you enough reasons to be secure. Or you never received that respect and kindness you deserve from your partner. But when it comes to others, your partner or friend is very giving, and it turns you off! We all agree that we have high expectations of how we are treated, especially by the people we love. We expect to be treated with kindness, respect, and affection. And we expect our partners and friends to be loyal and honest. And when we feel betrayed, we feel insecure, jealous and possessive or resentful.
If you feel that your jealousy is justified, you should clearly communicate with your partner or friend. You should tell them how you feel before your jealousy becomes toxic and turns into resentment. Do not directly accuse your partner but talk to your partner and tell about a specific situation and how it made you feel left out. It is never advisable to point to your friends or partner’s character. You can simply say what is acceptable and what is not!
You can tell your partner that you feel anxious when you do not know where she is or with whom she is and that you need her to text and keep you posted. Nothing wrong with that. Communication is the key. The more you talk, the better it is. It will make your relationship healthier and more transparent. Tell your partner if certain things make you uncomfortable. Is it that you feel stonewalled, or is it your partner’s behaviour that has become weird off lately?
In a relationship, both the partners should feel secure, respected and preferred. And therefore, you and your partner shall be upfront, communicative and open with their work relationships and friendships. It will bring transparency and hence make you feel more secure.
As they say, what goes around comes around! You have to show that you value your partner by putting him before anything else like your work, colleagues, and friends. Every time you do this, you build trust and confidence. And in all probability, you will be reciprocated.
Therefore, by understanding your inner feelings and acknowledging each other’s insecurities, you can use jealousy for good!
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